2001-10-23 05:15:22 (UTC)

~*~Question: What Hurts The Most?~*~

Thats difficult to answer.Is it that I can't be what he
likes? Or just knowing how he was raised, his morals, his
feelings, thoughts and his LIFE! I never expected to fall
for someone like him, in fact he got me hooked. I watch
anything he mentions, do my observations. To me its all
pretty scary I mean his world (not race). It seems so
awesome the way its so unique. I feel like I wanna be part
of that "bad world" I see it as an adventure. Thats exactly
what life is. Yet whenever I attempt to give that world a
try I feel so out of place. What do I define as my place? I
don't even know. He's always talking about his "projects",
his thug life, what a playah he is, but to me its so
confusing. I'm scared for him everyday. I don't want for
him to get hurt. The threats, murders, unsafe feelings, and
everything he has to go through.I want him to be safe and
happy in my arms. The only way I can express myself is by
him accepting. He has before. He's not open to me anymore.
The sad part of all of this is that I love him and he
doesn't care! I've heard this quote from my friend who
heard it in some movie:

"Am I making believe I see in you a man too perfect to be
really true? Do I want you because you're wonderful? Or
are you wonderful because I want you?"

It gets to me EVERY single time. But its true, your
first love will be the hardest to forget because that was
the first person to ever make you feel that special way!
Damn I miss how he used to be with me! Its so amazing the
kind of power people have over you. Even more amazing how
you are so blinded to let them rule you. Yeah he was a punk
today and is making me cry. Damn i'm so stupid All it'll
take is one sweet talk from him to make it all better. Oh
yeah what a strong person I am!

"Why is it... That I must climb 100 mountains to get you...
When all you have to do is smile..To get me?"


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