ek_shaks' Diary
2001-10-23 04:15:26 (UTC)


ah..this day.
i've been reading all those ppl writing beside me here.
Quite of them heart-broken-or-waiting-to-fall-or-jealous or
i'mm just sad n angry. this advisor doesn't let me live in
peace. expects i'll do strange things in no time. he
doesn't know what he wants .. how to achieve..entrusts me
with things that wud suit a PhD student. i want to shout
out at him. he doesn;t understand n behaves irritantingly
when I don't behave as he wishes. and i'm supposed to
understand what he wants.
Look whatever it is..his fault..or my fault..i'm not
happy..and i dont like the way it is. i was here to enjoy
research. Not to be a bali-ka-bakra for the rest of my life
too. it was supposed to be fun. it nowhere appears to be.
very bad!
changing advisors is what lot of them have adviced
for/against. i want to revolt. perhaps slowly. don't do
anything this week. tell him that i didn't get time. and
when he asks.say that i'm not motivated. i'm drained out.
giime a MS job. no..he cant destroy my life like that..

haha...is he :destroying: or whatever? haha..too
melodramatic..anyway..shud do something abt it. wudn't i
get another advisor? talk to someone as raghu said. perhaps
i'd get another picture after that. a better one.

how wud be my speech like?
look..i'm not enjoying.i'm not gettig motiavted. and i
can't contribute without that. i don't know if u know the
ans to this ...but i'm not feeling well.
i want to tell him that i'm feeling pressure..i don't like
being pressurised. but i dont think he'll understand. its
my presumption though. i want to just give a nice dhamki
(warning) to him. only that will abate my hatred. let him
manage then. why am i always supposed to bear? to manage?
while the rest of them have their own way..left me ..made
me so cold from inside...no i dont like this and will speak
this out.
ok enuf anger for today. do some work.
bye folks

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