A Dreamer's Playground
2001-10-23 02:48:48 (UTC)

My Best Friend In Pain

(Amy): was your day??
zeos2004: pretty good... i'm getting my classes changed &
so i didn't have to do n e thing.. but now everyone's sad
tonight :-
(Amy): i'm sorry
(Amy): i can be happy
zeos2004: .... yea but kate's thinking of breaking up with
her bf :-( (everyone is all sad)
(Amy): i'll be everyone is not sad
zeos2004: hehe ... it's ok.. but no matter what i do i
can't cheer up kate *sigh... i dunno n e more
(Amy): aw
(Amy): why is she going to break up with him?
zeos2004: #1... he smokes weed (& she's always saying that
it makes her soo sad to think that he'd have trouble
choosing btween a plant that hurts him or her) #2... when
he's with his friends, he barely talks to her... like
trying to uphold an image or something & now one of jeff's
friends is throwing a HUGE party & like everyone got
invited cept kate... jeff got invited, but kate didn't...
now tell me wtf is up with that? :-
(Amy): oh my
(Amy): that's fucked up
zeos2004: i know :-
(Amy): like majorly
zeos2004: and i love her so much.. i hate to see her hurt
(Amy): yah
zeos2004: know what i kept thinking for the longest time?
(Amy): what?
zeos2004: if i don't leave here, i die, i lose myself, my
sanity, will to live.... but if i do go live with my bf in
texas.. i lose the only person who truly seems to care
about me.. the one person i love and loves me back and i
don't have to worry about her hurting me like everyone
else... she's my best friend & means so much to me... i cry
so much just thinking of never seeing her again... but when
i'm here i hate life and at times i want to die... everything
is so fucked up.. i just can't win
(Amy): awww hun
zeos2004: jason and kate are the two people i love more
than anybody... but kate lives here in pa & jason lives way
over in texas... my cruel family lives here... but if i'm
there .. i lose my best friend
(Amy): dang
zeos2004: i told her once that one night i was having an
anxiety attack or something (that's what it seemed like
when i stopped to think about it...) and i told her that
all i could do was keep repeating, i don't know, i don't
know what wrong with me, i just don't know, i don't know
what's wrong with me.. while rocking back and forth.. and i
kept thinking that my life had no purpose, that i really
had no reason to live, that i was nothing, just a drain on
all those around me... and she said to me that my purpose
on this earth was to be her friend.... and since then..
just thinking of losing her... it's just like omg :'(
(Amy): awwww
zeos2004: she thought she might have been pregnant & i told
her i'd get her an ept just so she could make sure.. she
came over tonight (right after she told me) and my sister
took us out to get one, i got rid of the trash so my mother
wouldn't have a clue about it & i know my sister won't tell
cuz i made her promise not to.. i paid for it because kate
had like 3 dollars.. hell i'd spend the 50 dollars i have
on her if it was for her safety or for her.. i care about
her like more than the world or myself
(Amy): awww
(Amy): you're such a good friend
zeos2004: everytime she's sad at home, i tell her she can
come right over, that she should and to sleep over until
things die down.. she said that if she was pregant & her
dad found out, that he'd probably beat her! .. i told her
omg if he lays a finger on you, you're going to live at my
house... i don't even care if my mother wouldn't want
another person living in our house.. there's no way i could
stand if she got hurt
zeos2004: (she's not pregnant by the way)
(Amy): omg
(Amy): oh ok good
zeos2004: she was really upset about something one time and
she was trying to tell her dad but he told her (OMG YOU
WON'T BELIEVE THIS!) to go upstairs so he could watch tv!!
zeos2004: :'(
zeos2004: she's priviledged with material things but when
you see up close... she lacks what is really needed.. a
family that is supportive and cares about you
zeos2004: i don't know how she can stand it there.. hell
she barely can :-

Kate means everything to me. I don't know what I'd do if I
lost her. :'(

aim = zeos2004
yahoo = night_shine77

Try a new drinks recipe site