Absolute Mayhem
2001-10-23 02:37:56 (UTC)

mind swirling..heart churning

::::BIG SIGH:::: love... sounds so simple and pure..but in
reality its not. its tied into so much dark stuff. the
kinda stuff that the world tries to put away in the corner
or shove it out of their minds. my mind is swirling and
heart is burning... for 2 guys. i want Adam back. and i
kinda am liking tyler. but everynite...i try to get adam
out of my head..but i always come back to him....he's the
one that i fall asleep missing and wishing i could be in
his arms..not tyler...not paul walker...none of them. its
all about adam. yet... we aren't an "item" anymore. i still
think he likes claire...but not as much... today he seemed
a lot warmer to me that he has been since we broke
not sure if its just the beginning of fixing the damage in
our friendship or if he misses me...i dont want to take any
action till im sure cuz i ALWAYS read into things and
interpret them to my liking... sigh.. and tyler...he's so
head over heels for ashley...and shes sooo not head over
heels for him..hes trying to fix things with my
encouragement...but yet...its not working. he doesnt wanna
believe it...and thats fine..he'll discover things soon
enough and then he'll ...well...vent?? relieve stress??
well im not sure what guys do..but i always just kinda
withdraw from socializing and think...kinda like i am now..
yeah. so all this is running through my head. adam..i want
him back...does he want me...what will tyler do...does he
really think he can fix things...what does ashley
think...and ya know, its good that vball is over cuz with
all this rain of emotions coming down on me.... id be
playing like crazy fuckin shit. and school..god help me. im
getting like a c- in bio, a C in lit...and like a b- in
spanish...i wonder if everything thats been going on in my
mind over the past 2 weeks has anything to do with it.
either way, its my grades that i sorta earned. im out.
minds wasted.