listen to my silences
2001-10-23 02:17:48 (UTC)


you know, you'd think i'd get my act together and write
things the day/night they happened. but no. that's ok

we had a really good time though. we went to best buy in
louisville and then to mall st. matthews and then to
oxmoor. it was so much fun. we were both really relaxed,
and it was just...amazing. i took him out for chinese,
then he directed me to waterfront park...i was driving but
he wouldn't tell me where we were going, just how to get
there. at the restaurant he told me something i will never
forget, no matter how long our relationship lasts. he
said "you are everything i've never known i've always
wanted." it was...there's gotta be a word for
it...wonderfully unexpected. there, that's it. i kept
surprising him in things i would do or say, according to
him. it everything about our entire
relationship has been unexpected. even the relationship.
i mean, yeah, i was attracted to him to begin with, but i
never thought in my wildest dreams that we'd date. and
saturday night was just supposed to be a friends thing. i
guess because neither one of us were looking for it is why
it happened. we had dinner tonight with his friend josh.
actually, i had dessert, but that's beside the point. i
wanna know what josh thinks about me, simply cause brian
thinks that all his friends are gonna think i'm not his
type. brian told me yesterday that i'm not what his
friends would say his cookie cutter girl. i told him i
don't fit any mold and i break most of them. he said it
was a good thing. i hope so. i don't want to make our
relationship into something it's not. i'm so afraid i'm
gonna do that. but onto something else real fast before i
get yelled at by my rents.

the entry i wrote about maturity really stirred stuff i knew it would. but with the wrong person. my
friend kells thought i was referring to her in a bad way, i
think...i wasn't. i wrote her an email attempting to
explain it...i hope it did. the only thing in reference to
her was that i'm not ready to tell her some things yet. i
know she listens. she's my closest friend next to brodie.
and i know she hates that i singled brodie out and not
her. but i was in a really pissed off mood that day. and
i wanted him to know that it wasn't him that was pissing me
off. it wasn't her either, but i never thought that she
might think it was. i love her to death. i hope she knows

i haven't seen g in a few days. i'm worried about him. i
wrote him an email asking him what's up. haven't read his
entry yet...getting to that in a minute. maybe it'll
explain somethings.

oh, rosie wrote me a reply the other day to my first three
entries. it was funny. it said some thing about her and
joe being like me and brodie. k, first of all,
yeah, i love brodie, but i'm not in love with him. i'm
very happy with brian. second, i've not slept with
brodie. and i don't plan on it. which brings me to the
third thing: brodie's not a back-up plan. so other than
that, they may very well be alike. i doubt it. but that's
just me. and like i've said numerous times, i have no
problem with the girl, unless it comes to brodie. if
you're gonna date my best friend, treat him right. that's
all i ask. evidently that's just too much. i wrote her
back and said a lot of what i said above. i don't know
what to think of her. she thinks i was giving her "dirty
looks" in the hallway the other day. i
mean, come on, grow up. that's childish. but, you know,
whatever. anyways, that's all for tonight.

final thought: it's something unpredictable, but in the end
is right, i hope you had the time of your life.