Innocent Girl, Interrupted
2001-10-23 01:49:59 (UTC)

Monday - 10.22.01

Wow... today was good. =) It was report card day, but I
didnt get mine b/c I didnt pay my $3 Spanish 2 fee =P SO
that sucks. I know what I made anyway, though.
*Business Academy - A
*Algebra 2 - B
*Occupational Child Care - A
*Spanish 2 - C

Of course, right? lol... and I'm pissed at my Alg. teacher
b/c he knows how much I wanted an A and I did all this
extra crap, and I ended up with a 92. a 93 is an A. grr..
And Spanish... well, that class just sucks anyway. =P

After school, Jared and me went to Wallmart b/c he needed
new PJs. Wednesday is out PJ day at school and he hated the
ones he wore last year so, we picked him out a rather kool
looking pair for Wallmart! After that, we went to Sonic for
a small lunch/snack, and then the park. We pulled off into
the back of the model airplane field and joked around a
little... of course got a little close. And then things
were so... different. I guess he got a little TOO caught up
in the moment b/c he kept saying how bad he wanted me, and
how he didnt want me to be afraid anymore. Being afraid as
in of sex... it scares the CRAP out of me.

I brought up the fact that I wanted to wait until I was
married, and he was like "Well, I just want you to not be
afraid... I would never hurt you." Yes, I fear penises too!
They're nasty! So he was trying to convince me to not be
afraid, and he was sorta trying to get me to let him mess
around down there so I would know it doesnt "hurt when
something goes in." psh, I dont need to know if it hurts or
not! I'm only 17! So I convinced him otherwise and he
realized what he was doing. He was just TOO turned on for
his own good, so he stopped.

Then he was talking about marriage. He told me he wants a
pre-engagement to me b/c he knows he can commit himself,
and I know he can too. He's one of those people who
attatches himself and does NOT let go. We're best
friends... friends w/ benefits... and here we are talking
about marriage. How we see it is, he might go into the
marines. With that, we're guaranteed a good home and stuff.
We have our college plan, and our moving plan...
everything. it sounds so freakin STUPID b/c here we are...
I just turned 17 and he turns 17 next month. But how can a
kid feel this strong about someone and it not be real? I
dont understand. I probably never will.

But anyway... I had to be home at 7, so he ate dinner w/ me
again, like he did last night, and we danced, lol. It was
awesome and sweet... and tonsa fun! =) Is this really love?