VAMYR GUARDIAN ANGEL

Shadow
2001-10-22 22:05:20 (UTC)

A NEW ERA?

TODAY HAS BEEN VERY CHALLENGING FOR MY NERVOUS SYSTEM.
MANY TIMES I FELT AS THOUGH I'D THROW UP, BUT I COULDN'T
LET THE OTHER KIDS AT SCHOOL SEE ME LIKE THAT, SO I HID IT
BEHIND MY MASK LIKE I USUALLY DO. I LET MY G.A. KNOW OF
COURSE, BUT SHE'S THE ONLY ONE.........THE ONLY ONE.
DIANE WROTE ME A NOTE TODAY, BASICALLY ASKING ME TO
RECONSIDER MY DECISION. IT ALMOST WORKED, BUT I DECIDED IN
MY 5TH PERIOD CLASS TO STAND UP FOR ONCE AND GO AFTER WHAT
I WANT. MY G.A. LATER TOLD ME TO DO THE SAME THING I'D
DECIDED TO DO.(ARE WE SHARING A BRAIN HERE?) I HAVE A DAY
OR SO TO FIGURE OUT HOW TO WORD WHAT I HAVE TO TELL DIANE.
SHE'S NOT GOING TO LIKE IT ANYWAY I PUT IT, BUT I CAN MAKE
HER REACTION SOMEWHAT LESS VIOLENT AND EMOTIONAL.
SHE WON'T UNDERSTAND WHY I AM DOING THIS, BUT SHE'LL
EVENTUALLY ACCEPT IT. I HOPE. I DON'T FIGURE HER FOR THE
OBSSESIVE TYPE.
ANYWAY, ON TO A BETTER SUBJECT, MY GUARDIAN ANGEL. MY
FACE BARES A SMILE AT THE THOUGHT OF HER. HOW SHE MAKES ME
FEEL, AND HOW DEEP A BOND WE'VE ALREADY ESTABLISHED IN THE
NOW ALMOST THREE AND A HALF WEEKS THAT WE'VE KNOWN
EACHOTHER; JUST EVERYTHING THAT IS HER IS WHAT I DESIRE AND
ON ONE HAND IT SCARES THE SHIT OUT OF ME CUZ I KNOW THIS IS
DIFFERENT THAN ANY OF MY OTHER RELATIONSHIPS. THIS TIME, I
THINK I ACTUALLY FEEL IT,LOVE I MEAN.I THINK DIANE WAS AN
INFATUATION OF SORTS. I LOOK AT MY G.A. AND I REALLY DO
LOSE MYSELF IN HER EYES. SHE PROBABLY WONDERS WHY I ALWAYS
LOOK HER DIRECTLY IN THE EYES ALOT. I FEEL ALOT OF THINGS
THAT I THOUGHT I ALREADY KNEW, BUT WAS NOWHERE EVEN CLOSE
TO IT. MY G.A. IS SHOWING ME ALL THAT I WAS WRONG ABOUT.
I HOPE THAT WHATEVER HAPPENS BETWEEN US, THIS DOESN'T
GROW TO BECOME ANOTHER BROKEN FOREVER. I DON'T THINK I
COULD HANDLE IT. I HONESTLY BELIEVE I WOULD LOSE THE LAST
REMNANTS OF MY SANITY.
UHH!!!!!!! I'M FIXING TO LOSE MY TEMPER WITH MY STEP-
DAD. THE ASSHOLE BELLOWS FOR HIS SLAVE.(ME) BYE FOR NOW.

-SHADOW