2001-10-22 19:07:19 (UTC)

Where Is My Motivation

wandering around suffolk...waiting for class to start so it
can be over so i can wait to get picked up so i can go
home so i can eat stuff and go back to sleep...i haven't
been to class in a week and now i have a test on friday
and i have no fucking clue what it's on. this blows.
we watched clerks last night...jacki had never seen
it. "we" is me, brett, jax and her new flavor of the week,
brian mendez. which is weird because we went to high
school with him, he was a year older than us and he
was friends with my older sister. he used to come in
every day and watch our volleyball practices because
we had to wear spandex. typical guy.
casey has disappointed me terribly. he has proven
what i have always dreaded but always denied: that he
is, despite how he appears to be, a typical guy. he
proved this by getting drunk and hooking up with the
first person who came onto him and had a vagina. this
turned out to be my arch-nemesis, gina. despite my
warnings of how filthy she is, how many different guys
she's been with, how he's basically guaranteed an STD
with a no-return policy, and how much i would really
lose respect for him if he stooped to that level, he
hooked up with her, and basically said "fuck you" to my
concern and my attempt to watch out for one of my best
friends. i thought he had standards, i thought he had
morals. i thought he would never get to that level of
desperation where he would go where not even jay fox
has gone, and jay fox is gina's male equivelant. i
haven't spoken to casey since then, because
afterwards, in a teasing, half-kidding sort of way, i said
to him, "i hope hooking up with that filth was worth our
friendship." he looked me square in the eyes and said,
"oh, it definitely was."
he wasn't kidding.
I hadn't really been willing to give up our friendship
for this piece of trash who has managed to ruin most of
my friendships/relationships already. but after that
comment, and after the way he talked to me and treated
me after that moment, i absolutely was. apparently i'd
had several misconceptions about casey. not only the
aforementioned no standards/no morals thing, but i
had also been led to believe that our frienship meant
something to him. the nights we've stayed up until the
wee hours, talking and bitching and swapping poetry
and emo lyrics that fit our moods were priceless to me,
but i guess he felt differently. i am, to say the least,
perplexed and bewildered.