Borrowed Light
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2001-10-22 08:28:08 (UTC)



i got back from the beach about an hour ago, so i have just
been surfing around the net checking mail and stuff..

nothing to exciting. i went to the library and borrowed out
a few books. i looked for the fight club novel but it was
out. that kinda sucks cause i was looking forward to
reading it but oh well...

i am still in my depressive mood..me and joe talked a little. i think
he is feeling like a bit of a hypocrite. he went to a party last
night and got with 3 of his chick friends. i guess it was just aparty
game, but i thik he realised he has no right to criticise mine and
corey's friendship because he has his friends and me and corey are
alot less close than he was with his friends yesterday. it's all cool
though, im not mad. a little frustrated but not mad. joe doesnt like
talking about his problems, and he wonders why i cant talk to him.
its because he doesnt talk back! its not his fault though, its just
one of his weaker points...

the beach sucked, it wasnt hot enough and everyone was
being annoying. maybe i was too easily annoyed today, maybe
i shouldnt have gone. i spoke to ash for a bit and i can
tell he doesnt want to go out with jen anymore, i wish he
would tell her that straight out though instead of just
saying they are on a break..i hate seeing her sad, but i
cant force ash to have feelings that dont exist anymore. if
you ask me him and jen rushed to quickly into the
relationship after kel, but no one ever asks me...jen is to
in love with him to see the moment might be lost and she
spends every day pining for him. i hear about it a little too often
but i like to do what i can to help her out...like i always say
focusing on other peoples problems helps me to forget about my own.
jen is still one of my bestest friends, we have so many good
memories, i think i am losing her a little lately though, sad really..

hmm i read coreys journal today and sadly read he is just
as lonely if not more lonely than me. he is one of the best friends
i have at the moment. i can at least tell him
stuff...everyone else at our church likes to keep all the
bad inside and rot themselves away. it is like we have an
unwritten law about always pretending to be happy, i
conform to that law while im at church and youth though, so
im no better than anyone else.

i fear i should still tread a little lightly around corey for joe's
sake, but i cant be bothered. him and jen are my realest friends who
know me the best and i dont want to sacrifice either of them..not
even for a little while. joe said he is over all that know though..i
think he meant it to. i hope so..


mum is pretty edgy around this time of the year. its the
first year she's been like this and i think it will become
a yearly ritual. i dont like it but its understandable...my
family has to many secrets, my dad doesnt even know why me
and mum are a bit sad. i doubt he ever will. but thats the
way it is..it makes me wonder how many secrets i dont
know...heaps i guess.

i am feeling a little lonely at the moment, i wont see everyone until
beck's on thursady which is bad but i'll live.

i helped a guy out on the net today,he was down and needed
a friend. thats all he wanted and it was so easy for me to
do. most of the time all people need is another person, and
all another person needs to help a person is a little
compassion. most of the time we are to involved in our
lives though...its a real pity...

well time for a shower now..maybe ill write more tonight


i might post my daily quotes later tonight