eidolon

not a possession .. but mine all the same ...

... i miss you... if i was there, i would wake up every morning to
the soft, silky slide of warm flesh and that sensual groggy warmth of
two bodies pressed together beneath the weight of sheets and
blankets ... my face nuzzled into your skin as your scent permeates
the first breath of morning air i take deep within my lungs ... your
skin the first sensation i feel against my fingertips and soft, sleep
swollen lips as they kiss your shoulder or throat ... the sight of
your sleepy smile the first thing i see as your beautiful blue eyes
opened to warm my soul with your love ...

listen as the wind blows
from across the great divide
voices trapped in yearning
memories trapped in time
the night is my companion
and solitude my guide
would i spend forever here and not be satisfied

.. i love holding you... being held by you ... i remember when we
cuddled upon the sofa together ... both curled together on those soft
cushions with my head resting in your lap as we watched the flicker
of the tele ... the blanket spread over us and your hands so gentle
and caring as they played with my hair and your fingers tangled with
mine ... the safety and security i felt in your arms that night as i
drifted in and out of sleep ... happy and content for the first time
in forever ... just happy to be in your presence ... happy to be
there with you ... loved by you and loving you ...

and i would be the one to hold you down
kiss you so hard
i'll take your breath away
and after i'd wipe away the tears
just close your eyes dear

.. i loved it when we walked together ... whether at the park or the
waterfront or even downtown ... often holding hands or with our arms
around each other .. no matter where we were i never feel
uncomfortable with you ... i never feel as if i don't want to hold
your hand or pull you near for a hug ... you make me feel special and
cherished ... you make me feel like i glow with beauty .. and i know
that it's you .. that it's your love and your vision of me that
causes that .. because it is something that i have never felt
before .. it is something that you alone cause me to feel ...

through this world i've stumbled
so many times betrayed
trying to find an honest word
to find the truth enslaved
oh you speak to me in riddles and
you speak to me in rhyme

... i miss you ... i daydream of you constantly ... in the car as i
ride in the backseat .. imagining you there with me .. holding me as
i nap ... or at night when i lay down to sleep and cuddle up with my
body-length pillow .. pretending it's you i'm cuddling with
instead .. your skin my face is buried into instead of cotton and
polyurethane filling ... i daydream of us and what a future together
with you might hold ... i daydream of waking up to you every
morning ... cooking for you and caring for you and you caring for me
as well ... of a home filled with our love (and my books) ... of
happiness ... sunshine through windows and you waking me up to go to
bed at 2am when you arrive home from work ... of warm winter nights
under the covers with you beside me. ..

my body aches to breathe your breath
your words keep me alive

... i love talking with you ... you never make me feel as if i am
inadequate ... never make me feel as if i am putting you down by
wanting to share things with you that i have learned and found
interesting ... you make me feel accepted and loved ... secure that i
can talk to you about anything, even the silliest of things, without
being reprimanded or looked down upon ... without being rejected or
have my thoughts or opinions devalued ... you ask questions without
fear or resentment and you contribute ... enter-acting ~with~ me by
talking or even sometimes by just by listening and laughing ... but
the thing is ... i know you're listening without prejudice .. without
ill will ... that you accept me as i am and value me ... i hope i
make you feel the same ...

and i would be the one
to hold you down
kiss you so hard
i'll take your breath away
and after i'd wipe away the tears
just close your eyes dear

... i loved being there with you to share your joy and wonder as you
experience new things ... the wonder you felt when you picked up that
book at chapters that i'd picked out and realized how interesting it
was ... how much you enjoyed your first trip to the ocean and finding
the sanddollar ... or your first bite of a dove icecream bar ... your
gasp of surprise of my lips and tongue intimately touching you ..
swallowing you ... your curiosity and interest when you ask questions
about my beliefs, or about anything else that i can share with
you ... new experiences are one of the great treasures of
existence ... the "spice of life" - or rather, one of many ... and it
makes me feel good when i get to experience these things with you ...
when i get the chance to see that spark of curiosity in your gaze or
interest in your voice ...

into this night i wander
it's morning that i dread
another day of knowing of the path i fear to tread
oh into the sea of waking dreams
i follow without pride
nothing stands between us here
and i won't be denied

... just as much as i love the new experiences you have provided for
me ... the places you have taken me that i have never been before ...
both physically, such as downtown Vancouver .. and emotionally ...
especially emotionally ... i had thought i had experienced the scope
of emotions available to me ... yet you have touched upon a place in
my heart that i didn't know even existed ... i feel feelings for you,
with you, that i have never imagined were possible ... you make my
heart sing with love ... you have, by simply filling that place i had
not known was there, made my entire existence different and
better ... never before have i experienced hope for the future ...
never before has my heart shone with a brilliant light able to break
through the darkness and shadows that surround me so that i can look
out upon the world with happiness, hope and wonder ... you have done
this for me with your love ...

and a would be the one
to hold you down
kiss you so hard
i'll take your breath away
and after i'd wipe away the tears

... sometimes i worry that the things i say to you will be construed
as rushing you ... i really don't want you to feel that way, it's
just that i miss you so much and sometimes the physical distance
between us feels like this insurmountable obstacle that we'll never
overcome ... i know that you are trying .. even harder than i am
aware, i'm sure fore you try not to show me how stressed you are ..
you try to hide from me how hard you push yourself ... and i want you
to know that my words of longing and love are not meant to be added
pressure upon you .. they are just expressions of how much i love you
and long to be with you ...

just close your eyes...

... you reside within the core of my heart ... your love marbling
outward to permeate my being ...

... i love you Jeremy ...

Lyrics courtesy of the song "Possession" by Sarah McLachlan.