Joshin Jane

Passionfruit
2001-10-22 03:31:41 (UTC)

squelched

beck and i talked on the phone for so long tonight, i felt
like i hadn't spoken to her in months.
we went crazy trying to make plans for thanksgiving.
knowing who was coming used to be the simplest thing, and
now it looks unlikely that jon will come because in
retrospect, why should he have said yes?
matt asked katie to prom, so i don't know whether or not
that may create some tension.
but prom's at the end of the year, right?
right.
he wanted her to know that she was the first one he asked.
she was his first choice.
she doesn't think her parents will let her, katie says, but
apparently she's getting back to him.
he doesn't seem too down about it yet, he agreed to drive
us down to my house for the reunion.
i was ready to try to plan thanksgiving, i'd been thinking
about it all day for some reason.
things here have just finally gotten to the point where
they feel so empty.
i looked around my room when i came home this afternoon and
remembered the thrill of the reunion and cleaned like a
madwoman for 4 hours.
you could see my entire floor when i was done.
the laundry was in.
the trash was out.
my wardrobe and closet were rearranged and ready for winter.
i wish we could be everywhere at once though, in windsor to
see jay and jon and seth, in guilderland to see casey and
talia and brendan.
the last weekend that becky and i saw each other, i was
nervous about seeing her friends when we went to
guilderland.
we'd spent all weekend with matt and alex's friends and
they'd been just like us, dirty and funny and kind of
nerdy, but becky's friends were a lot more expectable.
they were a lot more like kids at my school.
we didn't seem to talk much when i was there, when we went
out to friendly's and rented a movie and spent all night
trying to hide becky's dirty pictures from the april
reunion.
brendan and i had spoken a lot in the spring after i'd met
him at the golf course, but he had lots of stuff going on
and i wasn't exactly in the loop; him dating kate had
always been a roadblock in getting close to him.
but casey and i clicked, for some reason, after i came home
from new york.
we started talking all the time; we still do.
i feel so good knowing how much stuff he tells me because
we can have better conversations than i have with most
people here;i know who he's referring to from conversation
to conversation.
between speaking to him and becky, i know almost everyone
either of them might ever mention.
i don't always remember their names, sometimes just events
that they were connected with - gavin is "almost-but-not-
quite limo guy", chris d is "hot psat-breakfast chris".
beck and talia took psats yesterday morning and fudgey and
chris took them to breakfast afterwards.
maybe eventually, somewhere down the line, when anita feels
really easy driving us around ON ROUTE ONE, we can go for
breakfasts like that.
i can't even imagine what it must be like to feel that rush
of freedom having a car gives you.
i was gazing out the window on the way to blair yesterday,
listening to my mixes, and i just felt myself, in my car,
blasting my music, driving wherever the hell i wanted to go.
driving the five hours to guilderland and picking becky up
to go to fridays with no fear of bomb scares or anthrax or
gas masks...
::wink wink::