Forgotten Misery
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2001-10-22 00:20:43 (UTC)

A lost and confused soul

Well band didnt make it to state and I expected we wouldnt
go either the band was weak the pit messed up and the guard
was nowhere close to being perfect. The last band to make
it had a score or 83 and we had a 79 and thats a huge
spread in marching band.
Im in a very mellow mood tonight you know where u just
look off into space and listen to sad slow songs. I saw my
grandma today in the hospital its so hard she looks like
just skin in bones lying in a bed slowly dying. I do
believe things I hear my dad say and the look on my
grandpas face has to be the sadest thing that i have ever
had to go through.
Today our neighbors came over to look at our house and
they want to buy it from us and rent it out. My dad is
going for it I just cant believe this. Looks like I will
be moving its just a matter of when. I hope in a way
theses people cant get the money for it but yet I really
hope they can. I dont want to leave all the people here
that I love with all of my heart but yet I think it would
be better for me in a way its so hard to explain the way
our family lives right its like I have parents that are
divorced at least thats what alot of people think because
they never see my except in pictures. I miss being a
family all the time I love having my dad home and seeing
him and my mom and I just dont know I miss having my dad
around every day. What can I say I have always been my
daddys little girl even though when I was little I was the
biggest tom boy. Can you emagine me as a tom boy rolling
around in mud wrestling with my brother and playing with
Ok saturday and friday was hard and wierd. Kruer showed
upp again in his dorkey lil outfit and I talked to him some
but of course when someone else comes around i get ignored
he confuses me I still think he has feelings for me but yet
he doesnt even know what he wants so I let it go. Then on
saturday we rode the same bus not the same seats so that
wuz fun not!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
Im kinda hurt that ryan didnt read his e-mail and come to
regionals and I know he did that on purpose how cruel he
cant even be my friend after all we have been through
together i swear. and people wonder y I dont have a b/f or
y I run away from commiment.
Im not sure about geoff I got ahead of myself and I went
over the line of being friends and I shouldnt have I dont
want to hurt nichole or him which I fear I already did.
Funny thing is about us and this journal thing we write to
a journal yet we write to each other in a way.

Cd of the day Lifehouse

Love always,