MsKarma

my stability reaches its bitter end

its sunday.. i just ate breakfast, its early, and ive
already cried once today... boo hoo poor me, bla blah
blah... i di the dishes, as i cried... btu that seems to be
pretty normal for me, although since i got kicked out of
the house next wweekend, i won;t be doing anydishes... how
nice, so yea i got kicked out of my house for next weekend,
cuse my firned didn;t help me clean up the mess in the
kitchen that they made, btu that scool, not big deal, i
guess, but itss kind of trying, you know? always after they
go, i have to clean up, but its not so bad, they are great,
and yesterday was kellys birthday, shes 17, just got her
license, no car, no insurance, but it was fun, we chilled
like we always did, alex was here, which was, i mean, of
course she woul;d be, candiuce was not because she was
downtown with mariko and couldnt get a ride home.. it laked
to mariko and she wa lsike, im sorry abotu the pictures,
and i was like, oh.. which ones? and shes like, you knwo
the ones of lee (that i deface with swasitikas that time,
you know...) and i was like, oh yea, thanks, i eman s its
cool though, and hse was like, na its not, im sorry that
was wrong of me, and i had in the past chalked it up to her
being stoned at the time, but i guess not... i guess she
was just like that.. oh well... speaking of being stoned,
jeff was here this weekdn form dallas, that was kinda
fun,he was ehre for a suabaru convetnion, kinda lame, but
hell, hes a cool guy, i don;t knwo i feveyone liked him,
and ithink kelyls gonna be like, so.. jeff... um.. btu
thats how he is, but cool, you know? we watched memento
lastnight, which was thoughtly fucked up, but interesting,
it was wow..trying to think waht else... when the bys got
here yesterday i was int he shower, alex was with them,a nd
i got out f the shower and came down and they were eating,
surprise, and we were tlaking, and i was laughing, and then
i started to cry and i don;t knwo why buti oculd have cried
for a really ong tme at that exact moment... i think im a
little emotionally unstable at this exact point in time..
which sucks, caus it hought i was over that, but, ahh.. to
hell with being satble, only... well.. wahtever.. i'll get
better.... mom gave me the car today.. how nice, btu she
also kicked me out of our hosue next weekend... with an
hour of eachother.... instablity manifesting itsself yet
agian in my life? oh surprise... joslein syas i need a
philospohy, and i thought i had one... i dont; know... i do
its that tomorow is another day, when the sun rises we get
to start over, and the suns gonan rise everyday, without
fail, liek it has been for so long.. that started when
chelesa told me her reason to get out of bed evryday is to
feel the un on her face,and what better reason ius there to
get out of bed everyday? there really isnt' ont... i told
that to sam, my reason for getting out of bed, cause he
didnt; have one, his was kelly, but only for alittle bit,
and kelly isnt as realiable as the sun, you know... and
yesterday he comes downt he stairs with a duct tape bracelt
that says "the sun shall rise again" with sharpie an dit
hought htta was really great, i think thats a good sign,
you know? so.. its noon, and the sun has been up for a
while, enough to see me do the sishes and cry,once i read a
book abotu aigrl who moved over here fomr china, i think,
and she missed home so much, on day she was mixing ink in
the hinese traditional stlye, and her sister was narrating
and the sister was like, she was mixing the ink, and adding
water, and i oculnt really see her face, but, i notices
that there was no cup of water to add to the ink, it was
her sisters tears, falling into the ink to mix it up, and
it like, wow... thast though....