thouhgts of Sam
2001-10-21 04:30:29 (UTC)

whatever happend to honor?

after something bad happens to a friend you vow not to do
it again right? Well a while back my brother and my best
friend were busted for weed. Well my brother was the one
busted, and we promised to each other that we would not do
it again, well tongith someone broke that promise. I dont
know what to tell him, I am very disappointed with him and
kinda angry I thought we came to an understanding. But
apparently I was wrong. Which now it seems to me I'm wrong
alot, but that's another story. How could you do that to
someone. If you make a VERY important promise to each
other you keep it. Espically if it means you could loose
your bestfriend. If he gets caught smoking again his mom
said that she would send him back to thailand. And I dont
think I could handle loosing him. Most of your bestfriends
you can keep in touch with somehow but I dont think I could
bare writting a letter and theres no way in hell I could
call him. I am so frustrated with him right now, I mean we
left a party just so we could skate and he ruined the night
by getting high. I dont know how I could talk to him about
this but I know I need to. AHHH, a promise is a promise
and you have to keep your promises otherwise you will loose
so much. of all the stupid things he could of done this is
by far one of the worst. I mean I could understand
drinking but this is so much worse. MY BROTHER GOT BUSTED
WITH A DIME. and he was there he smoked that night and he
promised that he was going to quit but I havent seen that
yet. I mean it wasnt even an issue until tonight. I
thought we had that taken care of just like we take care of
each other. But I guess it proves how much I know. He is
like a blood brother to me I would be crushed and
devestated if I lost him. He has seen me at my best and at
my worst. Not too many people can say they know me like he
does, and for the most part we even think alike, but now I
I think I am happy and things are going well and something
happens I dont know if its cause I'm comfortable and god is
telling me that he is gonna screw me out of everything or
if it's just cause I'm bad luck. I mean how can I loose
everything and be expected to just be ok. And the worst
part is I never let anyone see me very angry, There are
people who can tell when I'm in a bad mood and everything
but then there are those people who are oblivous to me. I
dont understand anything anymore. sometimes I just want to
kill myself but that would be bad I mean I dont think there
is anything in this world I could loose to actually make me
go through with it. I have thought about it but I dont
think it could ever happen I mean I am suck a wuss, and
maybe that's not a bad thing. esp. when it comes to
suicide. I dont know anymore all this anger keeps building
up and then I let it go in a healty way and then there is
more and I dont know what to do I am afriad one day I will
just burst on someone I really care about. I mean I have
grown so very close to so many people and I dont think I
could stand to loose any of them. ARGH. anyway till next
time and remeber everyone has their own path in life.