2001-10-21 03:42:32 (UTC)

8: Problems...

well... i guess by now im sure as fuck that im bi...
damnit... and devin promised he wouldnt let that happen
hehe... yesterday i found out what yaoi is... weird shit ya

so my dads work has had death threats placed on them and he
is thinking about getting a gun. i had always been glad we
had not had a gun cause i was afraid id kill my self with
it. i was really depressed and i was looking for one to end
it all and i really didnt want to but i just had too. so im
glad we dont have one... but we might so im scared for my
life... literatly. god i hope i never see a goddamn gun
ever. id just be too easy ya know. i hope i dont ever even
pick it up id just be to inviting.

on another note...

i have this friend named kristina, shes the nicest,
sweetest, kindest, most helpful person ive ever known. shes
been a great friend and means alot to me. i dont know if
she really cares about me any at all.. i think so. i think
with out her kind compassionate words i probly would have
killed my self a while ago. some days id be sitting in my
room for hours trying to convince myself not to do it, then
id think of her... probly one of the only bright moments i
could think of for a long ass time. just sitting there in
my goddamn room with nothing to do but think about my
obituary and who it would effect if i died. who would cry
and who woudnt give a flying fuck. that got me even more
depressed. and so i would think of the wonderful nice
things kristina would say and how she would brighten up my
day. i thank god i have her, the greatest person that i
could ever meet. makes me wanna cry too... hehe...

aww well... serious shit pisses me off... bye bye for now...