csadler

today...

is the greatest day i've ever known
can't live for tomorrow, tomorrow's much too long
i'll burn my eyes out
before i get out!

i wanted more than life could ever grant me
bored by the chore of saving face

today is the greatest day i've ever known
can't wait for tomorrow i might not have that long
i'll tear my heart out
before i get out!

pink ribbon scars that never forget
i tried so hard to cleanse these regrets
my angel wings were bruised and restrained
my belly stings

today is the greatest day
that i have ever really known
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i want to apologize to everyone who read my sorry display
yesterday in my moment of beer-induced weakness. that was
*mostly* because i wear my emotions on my sleeve at the
best of times and feel sorry for myself all the time. fate
is out to get me, my ass! i'm destined for greatness! so
i got this email from one of my fellow my-diary.orgers
today and this is what really got me

===========================================================
i think the reason i find your journal so entertaining is
it's (okay, now don't take this the wrong way) normalcy ...
your life seems pretty damned "normal" for the most part
and it's both reassuring and rather nice to feel that there
are people out there that really do ~have~ that ...
===========================================================

normal?! i never really considered myself normal,
normal=mediocrity to me so naturally i consider myself (as
everyone does) extraordinary. but then i realized, that
being an average joe with an regular job, your average
white suburbanite slob ;) might not be so bad. i
definitely felt normal this morning...i took my government
test at the University (in the same room where i slept
through all my first year math courses) and there were at
least *1400* people there! i didn't like my odds of
getting in with the government considering that there were
like 50 jobs and 1400 people there (in the english section
in ottawa) plus the french section,plus the tests in ottawa
*next week* plus the 30 other locations across canada where
these tests are being held. i was actually thinking to
myself, i better damn well be superior and extraordinary
and everything else on the test because my odds were
slim :) i'm assuming that it was similar to an SAT test in
the states (multiple choice, more like an IQ test than an
aptitude test) but i've never written an SAT so i don't
know. i think i did okay but i'll never see the results.
i bumped into Mike Coldrey there, man i haven't seen that
guy in probably a year...he's a good guy. so afterwards i
went to breakfast with vicki and we had a nice little chat
and i don't know how things are working out with her and
chris (not so well methinks she says they
don't "communicate" anymore or whatever i don't know) but i
would definitely hook up with her if the opportunity
presented itself. she is just too damn nice. i can
guarantee she wouldn't fuck around with my friends, so
she's one up on what's her name ;) so we had a nice chat,
and it was all good. we both went in to bitch about work,
etc. and she gave kerry the line that "i'm 23 and i have no
life because of the hours" etc. and i'm pretty damn sure
she's gonna get her hours switched...i'd be *pissed*.
also, i learned something today...eskimos or inuit or
whatever the politically correct term is have smaller hands
and feet than people on the average because of circulation
and exposure to the cold. they are also shorter (average
height 5'2") vicki tried to tell me that they had smaller
hands and i didn't believe her so i did a little internet
research and what the hell, she was right :) i'm not gonna
waste a second thought on what's her name anymore, there's
lots of fish in the sea, and i was wrong, emailing her was
a bad idea, because i realize that i'm not emotionally
strong enough to just be friends :) but i apologize to
everyone out there and myself for that outburst...i'm also
going to try and get more creative titles for my
diary...half of my entries must be called "today". i can't
think of anything else to ramble on about and i'm tired so
i'm going to bed. oh, i went to the record store for the
first time in about 3 months and i was gonna pick
up "collection of slow dance songs" or whatever by pink
floyd, but i couldn't justify paying $26.99 for wish you
were here, especially when i have it on mp3 :) i'm the
music industries worst nightmare