empty shadow

this is me get over it
2001-10-21 00:25:45 (UTC)

it all adds up to nothing

System is the best band in the world. No one can comprehend
their greatness. My lil brother even likes them, and he's
more into the popier side of rock like sum 41. They are so
powerful and they have such lyrical depth.

My god, life is boring when you are single. And there is
not an intelligent guy in my grade who I could go out with.
It's like the genes skipped a year or two. Although you
can't tell with kids two years younger. BUt anyway. I
really like this guy who is a year older than me at the
highschool. He's cute and funny and capable of intelligent
conversation. but I don't think that he likes me...and then
there is that whole question about sexual orientation. I
don't know where I stand in that issue.

I have a tendency to notice things that most straight girls
would not even think about let alone mention out loud. I
don't know if I like girls that way or not.

All I do know about that crap is that sexual activity
scares me. I can keep up such a masked off cool around my
best friend when we are talking about that crap. Cause I
give her advice and I have gone farther than she has. But
truely the whole business frightens me. I can't keep my
cool.

I was making out with a guy the other day (about 4 monthes
ago; I'm sexually deprived i know) and I just got kind of
freaked out. It was really stupid. I was getting off on it
and at the same time I was as nervous as hell. It was
really fucked up. I don't think I was ever molested in my
early childhood, and this was an act involving consent. so
what the fuzz??

oh well...i suppose i will continue with my useless
exsistance for god knows what reason. Good-bye good luck
good night.