mark my words
2001-10-20 15:30:06 (UTC)

saturday morning boring

I'm just sitting here in front of the computer, wearing my
glasses, boxers and a giant T-shirt, looking like a
complete dork, haha. I talked to KE briefly; she had
nothing to say except for how this guy that she met at the
mall last night wanted KC and she wanted him, etc. KC is
sleeping at her house this weekend because of that whole
thing with her parents.
My thoughts haven't been on Mark lately but more of Kevin.
Will I end up at cotillion with him? Or will I have to go
with the boyfriend that I don't like to admit I have? My
concerns are so trivial... yet they matter so much at the
KE didn't want to hear much about last night and all the
hotties that were there. KC would have, she LOVES hearing
that sort of thing and since three guys that she's
absolutely obsessed with were all there she would have
wanted to hear every detail. But was the phone
relinquished to her? Nahh, KE is too self-absorbed to
consider that I might want to talk to my OTHER best friend
too. I must have really hurt her, though. It wasn't cool
of me to hang out with her ex and the girl he's trying to
go out with. It's like pouring salt on a fresh wound. One
of the things she screamed at me on the phone yesterday
was "I just feel like everyone's dicking me over for L...
why don't you just go fuck L?" and hung up on me. Is it
that bad to want to hang out with other people besides
those two?
Going to the mall to pick up guys so isn't my thing. It's
all about looking like a cheap whore, letting it all hang
out, and in my case, getting rejected because KE will
POUNCE on any guy that looks my way. And if she realizes
nothing will happen between her and the guy, she'll start
doing embarassing things to get herself attention. Like
she'll be like "Yeah, J's Puerto Rican, she knows how to
work them hips! Look at those lips, imagine them wrapped
around your cock, how good would that feel? Come on, J, go
give him some head! You have to! I say you do!" I'm not
Puerto Rican. She knows it.
I'd so much rather hang out with guys from school, who I
know and am cool with. The mall thing is just degrading
because you have to act like a whore for a little bit of
attention. That's KE's thing to do, she thrives on
attention from guys and will do anything for it. I'm not
saying that I don't love when guys are into me, I just
don't like having to act like a whore to get the
attention. Last night I was wearing minimal makeup for
once, I was pretty covered up in Matt's sweater, and I was
just acting like myself. And everyone was talking to me!
It was just proof that being yourself can do a lot, because
when I put on tons and tons of makeup and let everything
come out I don't get any respect.
Like this one guy there, he went to our school last year,
he was so mean to me when I was with KE. He'd yell
out "Dirty!" whenever we passed him in the hall and was the
kind of guy that throws food at you in the cafeteria. But
last night I was talking to him and he was sooo sweet for
once. I don't know why.
All right, enough of my ranting about self-respect, haha.
I'm out :)