Djean82

journal
2001-10-20 09:59:30 (UTC)

If You prick me , do i not bleed?

I feel awful! I blew Sonic off~ and for what to talk with
Jen again, arggg~ ofcourse jen was very upset..( and for
all you who know her.. dont bug her about this ok she has
enuf shit shes dealing with)
I feel so bad, I had just got on the phone with Sonic..an
she calls, and i leave Sonic hanging..but i couldn't say
no.. jen was crying..I CANT SAY NO TO TEARS, THEY BREAK MY
HEART .
Sonic should be on in a half hour, i have so major
apoligising to do to her! damn i feel bad. Jen felt bad
when she heard i was talking to Sonic. Shes like sorry i
bug you I;ll let you go .. and i was like wait wait wait. I
just hung up wid Sonic cuz your crying tell me whats up.
she called me a total of 4 times yesterday. I am such a
sucker though.. for all u on my msn who saw my name
as "pushover" now you know why.. i cant say no..
but thats not what made yesterday suck, you all know i am
homesick.. well last night jb was sopposed to call me
before he went to bed. hubby was on the comp offline and i
was just laying on the bed. thinking about all the things
right now that are crazy..anyway, i fell asleep. Next thing
i knew its 330 am hes just comming to bed .. AND I NEVER
TALKED TO JB WTF?!!! I guess hubby said i was sick and
sleeping.. he freaking out cuz i coughed up a i lil blood
last night.. big whoop. i cough up clots of blood before i
would blow jb off.. tons .. buckets.. (OH MY NASTYS I AM
GROSSING MY SELF OUT*GAG*)
Changing subjects..
I heard this song that made me cry, it was called where
does it hurt.
"where does it hurt..tell me wheres it feel bad...daddy can
u make it better show me where does it hurt"
just reminded me of when i was home and i was crying becuz
i was scared Jb( got to love him!!! my lil angel) came up
to me grabbed my cheek and kisses it he said" maw, all
better" he kisses my tears away.
Grrrrrr still mad i didnt get to talk to him.. poor kiddio.

Been talking to lil crazy latly (sonic might want to skip
this k girl?) well anyways, shes actually making me feel
better. lol I WOULD NEVER TELL HER THAT THOUGH. i mean ..
why?! she wouldnt believe me anyway.. why would i blame her
for not trusting me. I mean hell i burned her bad..I know
that and have apoligises.. but i dont like the fact that i
did.. i mean I AM A BITCH! poor lil crazy.. wonder why she
puts up with me..or why Sonic does..or anyone..Lil crazy
and i was talking and all i am gonna say is that at one
point in time.. i did care for her alot.. said thing is
when we were togeather i felt so .. so .. intimidated. yes
lest you that word. any way enuf about the past.. lil crazy
is my friend.. and i am gonna be a great friend to her..
maybe that way somehow it will make up for all the times i
burned her.

I NEED A CIGGY BUTT.... arggARGGG i am a slave to my
addiction sorry Sonic .. Gonna throw some pants on Run out
side right now to the car and get them.. I tried Girl! i am
weak! brb got to go get em.

OMG @!!! I WENT TO BED FULLY CLOTHED LAST night!! MY
QUESTIONS IS HOW THE HELL DID I GET NAKED.......he must
have undressed me.. why does that give me the hebie
jebies .."trembles"

oh sweet nicotine..mmm ..cursing threw my body.. calming
me....ahhhhh much better!!

ok ok sso i am addicted ... i could be addicted to far
worst.

OMG OMG this just reminds me..hes getting rid of my puppy
this weekend.. OMG .. no NO NO NO NO!!!! i love rusty hes
my only fuckn friend down here in n.c god! NO NO NO NO
fuck now i am depressed again .. DONT KILL MY PUPPY FOR THE
LOVE OF GOD NO!!!!!!!!!!!!
HE told me last ngiht after i got off the phone wid Jen "
the puppy is going this weekend" I am like WTF?! HES MY
PUPPY I BOUGHT HIM BACK DA FUCK OFF..we got in a hudge
fight.. and.. god! my puppys going away this weekend.. i
talk him out of shooting him but.. i cant keep him hes givn
him away to some guys he knows..why does everything i touch
go bad?

dodger