lauren s

..always something new..
2001-10-20 04:26:52 (UTC)

entry#12...along with good always comes bad

I believe in preying so much. I dont know but it seems to
help me with a lot of little delimas. For instance,last
week chere was getting on my nerves so bad, she would yell
names at me in the hall way and get her friends to give me
looks, wich didnt bother me because i have at least twice
as many friends as her, but it was so annoying trying to
avoid her. That night i preyed that she would back off
after months of this continious harassing. The next time i
heard from her was the next day in an e mail saying " i
know we dont talk anymore but look" inside was a webpage of
an inside joke that we use to have.(in case u were
wondering me and her use to be best friends) I repiled to
her e mail saying thank you and im sorry that u have to
hate me. We both appoligized and now we r cool with
eachother. It seemed like a complete miricle. Another
example would be in the same week. I have a cheerleading
coach who is a really nice cool person when shes not
disrespected however, she feels taken advantage of a lot.
Well we screwed up on of the rules and were supposed to run
12 miles because she was beyond pissed. I preyed to God
every night that she would be easy on us and not kill us at
the next practice. This one seemed very very very unlikely
but to my supprise the next practice went very smoothe and
we just talked about what was bothering her wich was very
good. Thoes two instances made my week very good but then
Jen (my coach) tells us we have to try out again for
competition. something that i worked so hard to get to and
now im doubting that i will make it through another tryout.
I know i will or at least im confident she wont get rid of
me because she really has no reason to but i am so hard on
myself that in the back of my head i question myself. I
guess thats what i mean by with good comes bad.I just have
a horrible case of anxiety i guess... get it from my
Im trying to improve myself,im trying not to make fun
of any one and be everyones friend .. i am trying to lie
less and fight with my family less and just be a more
caring mature person because its how i want to be, makes me
feel good.
Before i leave, i told u how i think preying helps
situations out, but also give everything time. Time keeps
everything in perspective. The longer it lasts the more
serious your problem is but usually people worry abouit
little things wayy too much and if they can get through a
week or a month or so .. the problem usually lessens or
disappears. I mean if you embaressed yourself or if you
said something bad to someone and now your fighting.
Appoliqize yes, but dont worry about it after you did all
that your willing to do because think about 1 year or more
down the road, will you really remember tripping in front
of a cute guy, or will you really care about arguing over a
dumb rumor with a friend. Just compaire everything to what
really matters to you and then see how you feel. It just
might help.

ill write later