Sweet Child

Sweet Life
2001-10-20 02:16:11 (UTC)

I have known him for 3 years...

I have known him for 3 years. Never did I ever expect us to
be where we are right now. I mean. It's sooooo wierd. I
can't explain. We're not together because I don't like
getting with people. I don't like the commitment. I don't
know, may be I'm scared of it. Ever since Jeremy. Jeremy
didn't hurt me. I'm glad I met him. Other wise I still
might like William. LOL. No I doubt that would happen.
Anyway. I loved Jeremy. I still do. I never loved William.
Even though I thought I did & I wrote all those stupid
things, I never loved him. But after Jeremy, I realized
commitment is just not for me. I'm not the girlfriend type.
I'm the girl you see at a party go out with a few times &
never see again. I feel like relationships hold people
down. Sometimes it sets them free. But for me, I'm young. I
need to see people. I know this is all a load of crap & has
no point but for me to move on, I need to say these things.
At school there are so many mature older guys. But not too
mature as some people wish they were. They like to have
fun. And that's what I need. I need to have fun. I need to
live. I don't need to love. I need to live. William was a
mistake, Jeremy was my freedom. He set me free. He picked
me up off this side of the street & held my hand across the
street. So I can enter a world where people live & are not
held down. I've stayed in this corner for too long. Looking
unto the other side. I realize now that everything I have
done, every person I have met has done nothing but waisted
my time. I could live. They were all sufficating (i think I
spelled it wrong) me. I couldn't breathe. I couldn't move.
They were holding me down. Now I'm stepping away from my
corner. On to the world. It has called my name for so long.
But I couldn't hear. I was deaf. I couldn't see how much
better it was over here. They blind folded me. Jeremy
removed the blind fold. At first the world was too bright
for me. But I'm used to it now. I fit in. This is where I
belong. In a world where I matter. A world I create. I
world that no matter who I am, will still be there. I'll
never get lost here. But, I have traveled too far. This is
now MY world. You all live in MY world. You enter it by
entering my life. Some of you don't like it. Oh well. You
made the decision. I won't die. Not yet. I won't let those
who enter MY world kill me. I won't go. I won't run, I'll
only die tired. I'm here to stay in this world of my own. A
world I can see now.

Now I can move on. I just had to let go of all that crap.
Now I will begin to torture. I will live now. Nathan I am
not afraid of because he is my first. My first victim. I
will hurt him. He will hurt me. We will be happy in our
pain. We love pain. He is the first to be here with me. He
is the first friend I have made here. I'm on to live a
crazy & wild life. This is my world & I'm living it up. But
I will die soon. Soon death will come knocking. When it
does, I will answer the door & let him take me away. No,
let him take us away.