It's Hot in Here...
Ad 0:
2001-10-20 01:51:06 (UTC)

This sucks...

Ok, I keep getting more and more annoyed with M-...I'm
getting more and more annoyed with myself because one day
it's like everything is perfect and then the next day
everything sucks...His schedule is really pissing me off, He
worked 15 hours yesterday...Who in the heck worls 15 hours
in one day?...I'm just getting frustrated because I see him
much less than I used to and he doesn't seem to bothered by
it...And then on top of it I'm having like serious aniexty
attacks about grad school and I know that Satan is messing
with me but even knowing that isn't doing me a whole lot of
good...It's still hard...

And I'm feeling the most serious need to get the heck out of
here, but I can't for the life of me think of anyplace to go
and that sucks...I just want to get in my car and drive to
Flaggstaff or someplace equally distant...

Why is it always me? Lord, I don't understand why it always
seems like the trials in our relationship are on my end...I
can't even tell if he cares that he doesn't get to see
me...So he just called and he's coming to pick me up and
take me somewhere...Ok, this is sooooo annoying to me...I
guess he told his supervisor about the miny fight we just
had on the phone and his supervisor said he needed to leave
right away and that he needed to get his priorities
straight...Why is it that he gets it when his supervisor
says it, but when I say it he doesn't get
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am so frustrated, why don't
boys listen?...Lately I feel like I've been getting more
attention from my pillow than from him.....How did this day
turn so rotten...I was having the coolest day and now it's
starting to suck, and I have a problem with being stubborn
and with holding grudges and it freaking sucks, because I'm
going to be pouty when we go out and I don't want to be
pouty, but I can't help it...Lord, sometimes I hate the
forgiveness part...Just when I think I've learned my lesson
and forgiven something huge like the nicotine thing, you
bring something else in, just to hammer the deal home and
make sure that I've really learned how to forgive...It
sucks, and at the same time it's so cool, because you really
know that my heart is hard right now, and it shouldn't be,
so I love that and I hate it, because it still hurts to keep
doing it...But I suppose that's what love is all about.....