Djean82

journal
2001-10-20 01:25:53 (UTC)

believe in da words i tell u damn it .. believe .. believe

Been thinking alot latly of stupid stuff.I just want to
dissapear sometimes. If i was home and feeling this way. I
go outside and get my kyak. Paddle 3 hrs down the stream
(black stream hooks off sibley) and enter into my lil
cove..I dont think anyone knows about it. I'd go there and
lay on the little beach and just think . I love my lil
santuary. But here i have no where to run to .. no where to
hide. I have to stand firm and pray for a moment of
silence.. of peace and quiet.. just time to breath and
feel alive..right now i feel so died inside
" oh fragile flame, when no one feels the same" I dont
think anyone could possible comprehend what its is i am
thinking. I mean its no that I am smart, I assure you , I
am anything but that. However I think about poetry.. what
it means..

Simple Smile

you think the world sucks so bad.
your running your life in a cage
your on your lil wheel
round and round you go
wanting that simple smile
you feel the sun on your back
stars in your eyes
ppl telling you that your died on the inside
what can you do
hey mister do i have the blus?
when i sing am i heard..
the sound i make with out the words
the fourtunes i seek
the money i keep
the lies i tell
will they condemn me to hell
or will i simply be awake
letting life happen
feeling pain
will promises i made
be broken
lifes lil unspoken lies
lie
lie
lie
everythings a lie
lie to me
damn it
tell me the sun will shine
the heavens will open
that ill have fire in my eyes
that ill feel this burnin deep in my soul.
tell me my love
when i grow old
will u love me for who i am
or the person u thought you knew
not this pathetic loser standing infront of you
lifes a game
play it up
spin the wheel of misfourtune
and mistrust
you move your turn
to bad you do
you lose the game of life
what next
play it safe
play it dead
keep your heart in a box
wrapped with pretty lace
afraid to feel afraid to erase
i scream to you now
erase my heart
take if from my chest
make me not feel this pain again
rip my mind from my head
tell me i am dead
bury me alive
tell me not to worry about
all the stupid lies
lil crazy on my brain
telling me its gonna be ok
sonic in my head as well
telling me that all is well
hubby in the background
doing his thing
me i am alone .. sitting in pain
lil crazy went offline
sonic..ffollowed right behind
left alone here am i
stupid fuckn alone
dead am i


Everything i say originates from hate,i do not feel the
time is right, i am trapped inside this hell my life..
being poetic what can i say , i am in the mood get off my
case, i will continue to sit here and ryme..see if you can
follow me this time, see lifes a bitch , you have to train,
give her a treat have a good day, mistreat her , do her
wrong and have a bite to show you love .. have a bad day
ignoring the bitch, what little words i say to this.
missing my family, missing the kids. alone with aspects i
dismiss. i gave my heart away today,will it be brooken
again .. i saw a flower it made me smile.. life goes on
again..dont steal my words, there mine not yours .. back
off my vocabulary. let me be unique, or so to think let my
lie to myself.. man this is hell

going on .. not dweeling on that, turning it around , not
looking back, this a lump in my thoart , oh god , dont cry,
why is it that i hate my life.. i hope your enjoying
reading this .. my fucked up veiws, you cant resist.. wanna
know me ,.. read carefully ..i will tell you the secret in
which i am .. here it goes .. ready or not.. all and all i
am ALL FUCKED UP. there it is the reason to my sanity.. the
reason i am mad.. the reason .. that i am losing it.. not
like i ever had.. so . i will say good bye now.. have
fun .. what ever right.. here i go again .. off on another
plight,, so until weeeee meet again my friends remeber
theses li words.. that when you close your eyes at night,
and all is darkness..in the black.. when you cant see..and
your scared.. remember this..no one cares.


dodger! pissed!