mark my words
2001-10-19 18:38:38 (UTC)

when the boy of your dreams calls the girl of your nightmares

I don't think I've explained anything about Mark yet. He's
the guy of every girl's dreams... at least in my group of
friends. He's average height, which is good because I'm
short, has adorable curly brown hair he wears a little
longer than buzz, deep brown eyes, perfect lips, walks
like he's the hottest guy anyone has ever seen (which of
course he is). For the past three and a half months,
ending a week ago, KE was dating Kike, Mark's best friend.
So occasionally, three times to be exact, when I was with
KE and Mike, and Mark would be there. The first time, a
lot more people were there, including the girl that he was
with at the time, so nothing happened. But the second...
it was KE, KC, both M's, and two other guys (T and C). KE
was with Mike and they had gotten their groove on earlier
that night... KC was "with" T at the time, and C was just
randomly there. Well, Mark, KC, T, and me went off into
the woods, split up, and basically I was in heaven getting
with the hottest guy I've ever met.
A month later, it was just me, Mike, KE, and Mark, one
thing led to another, and Mark and I... yeah... we didn't
finish because Mike walked out of his room into where we
were and that ruined the mood!
But essentially I've been sooooo obsessed with Mark. We
don't talk all that much but when we do I just about
faint. When he LOOKS at me and we make eye contact, I
freak out. He's sooo gorgeous, you just don't understand
how hot of a guy he is until you see him. I'm in looove.
But when a guy's as hot as Mark is, it sucks because you
have lots of competition. I was all set to ask him to our
big sophomore dance (he's a junior and would be a PERFECT
date) but some girl that is vaguely in our group of friends
asked him the day before I was going to (we were set to
hang out the next day). DAMN. He said yes.
I was really upset until a few days later when I found out
that he was using the girl so that he could go, since all
his friends would be there. It made me feel better, until
today, when I found out that last night he CALLED HER and
they talked for like an hour.
Mark's a player. He doesn't call ANYONE.
Okay, I'm aware I'm overreacting, and I'm also aware that
it's a hopeless love. But does that stop me from wanting
him? Not at all. So I'm basically being a loser and
practicing masochism wanting him so bad it hurts, while I
know that he has no real interest in me. It's horrible,
and I don't know why I can't just stop wanting him.