How I feel
2001-10-19 17:48:14 (UTC)

This is me

I've noticed that everyone here seems to be depressed.
I'm different, though. Unlike most people here, I am not
depressed. I think. Not really. I have my down days, but
then there are certainly up days as well. It comes from a
lot of things, really. I haven’t really had a hard life,
but I’ve had certain experiences that are definitely not
classified as easy.
First of all, my parents have been moving around a lot.
I’ve had to leave some friends behind, which wasn’t the
problem, but about three years ago, we moved into the
city. I met a friend, but he wasn’t the nicest guy ever.
He was my only friend at the time, and he was ok, so I
stuck with him. But then, at school, he started an ugly
rumour that I was gay. Everyone made fun of me, and it was
difficult to make any friends. However, despite my
suspicions, I didn’t know it was him that had spread the
rumour. I only found that out last year. Also, he was
jealous of me. Now, everyone knows I’m not gay, and I way
more popular than he ever was. But, one thing he did do
for me that was good, is get me involved in taekwondo,
which leads to the second thing.
All of my life, I have been competing with my brother.
It seems to me like he’s the favourite son, for one thing.
My parents just seem to treat him slightly better than they
treat me. Secondly, in sports. He’s been better in
everything we do. So, I started taekwondo. Then, he
decided to join, too. Of course, he’s better than me
already. In most parts of taekwondo. I hate to admit it
though, but it’s true. So, I over-train in hopes of
becoming better than him. I also have gotten involved in
many other sports (kayaking, water polo, swimming, etc.)
Also, my parents are strict. I wasn’t allowed to date
until I turned 15, so, now I have a girlfriend, whom I’ve
been dating for almost 8 months. I started dating her just
three months after I turned 15. That’s not the only thing
they’re strict about, though. If I show up late from
school, I get in trouble. If I don’t come home from school
right away, I get in trouble. And the punishments are
crazy too. Instead of grounding me, and getting it over
with, they play crazy mind games. They think it’s better
for me that way, and it’s not as severe. But, I’d much
prefer it if I’d get grounded and get it over with.
Then, there’s my girlfriend. We’ve reached the
love stage. I know it sounds corny, and that I’m only 15
(she’s 14), but we’re in love. I want to be there for her
always. I can’t imagine being apart from her. So, both of
us are paranoid of losing each other. And she’s also
depressed…which is wearing off on me. She tells me not to
worry, and that it’s not my fault, but I feel so bad, and
want to make it better, but I’m not used to anything like
this, and I don’t know what to do for her. Some days I
can’t take it, and I almost want to dump her, so I don’t
have to go through it, but I can’t do that to her, and I
know that eventually, she’ll get better, and I’ll have lost
her. I can’t imagine living without her any more. I’d be
depressed then, for sure.
So, that’s me. What an exciting life, huh? Be sure to
send me feedback. I’m in need of advice.
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