How I feel
This is me
I've noticed that everyone here seems to be depressed.
I'm different, though. Unlike most people here, I am not
depressed. I think. Not really. I have my down days, but
then there are certainly up days as well. It comes from a
lot of things, really. I havent really had a hard life,
but Ive had certain experiences that are definitely not
classified as easy.
First of all, my parents have been moving around a lot.
Ive had to leave some friends behind, which wasnt the
problem, but about three years ago, we moved into the
city. I met a friend, but he wasnt the nicest guy ever.
He was my only friend at the time, and he was ok, so I
stuck with him. But then, at school, he started an ugly
rumour that I was gay. Everyone made fun of me, and it was
difficult to make any friends. However, despite my
suspicions, I didnt know it was him that had spread the
rumour. I only found that out last year. Also, he was
jealous of me. Now, everyone knows Im not gay, and I way
more popular than he ever was. But, one thing he did do
for me that was good, is get me involved in taekwondo,
which leads to the second thing.
All of my life, I have been competing with my brother.
It seems to me like hes the favourite son, for one thing.
My parents just seem to treat him slightly better than they
treat me. Secondly, in sports. Hes been better in
everything we do. So, I started taekwondo. Then, he
decided to join, too. Of course, hes better than me
already. In most parts of taekwondo. I hate to admit it
though, but its true. So, I over-train in hopes of
becoming better than him. I also have gotten involved in
many other sports (kayaking, water polo, swimming, etc.)
Also, my parents are strict. I wasnt allowed to date
until I turned 15, so, now I have a girlfriend, whom Ive
been dating for almost 8 months. I started dating her just
three months after I turned 15. Thats not the only thing
theyre strict about, though. If I show up late from
school, I get in trouble. If I dont come home from school
right away, I get in trouble. And the punishments are
crazy too. Instead of grounding me, and getting it over
with, they play crazy mind games. They think its better
for me that way, and its not as severe. But, Id much
prefer it if Id get grounded and get it over with.
Then, theres my girlfriend. Weve reached the
love stage. I know it sounds corny, and that Im only 15
(shes 14), but were in love. I want to be there for her
always. I cant imagine being apart from her. So, both of
us are paranoid of losing each other. And shes also
depressed which is wearing off on me. She tells me not to
worry, and that its not my fault, but I feel so bad, and
want to make it better, but Im not used to anything like
this, and I dont know what to do for her. Some days I
cant take it, and I almost want to dump her, so I dont
have to go through it, but I cant do that to her, and I
know that eventually, shell get better, and Ill have lost
her. I cant imagine living without her any more. Id be
depressed then, for sure.
So, thats me. What an exciting life, huh? Be sure to
send me feedback. Im in need of advice.