2001-10-19 16:02:32 (UTC)

it's over

well, things are definately over between the two of us. he
wants to see this woman without the interferace of myself.
and, i have to let him go. i know that i'm punishing
myself, but i know that i pushed him to seek comfort from
someone else. it's sucks! he loves me. he's told me
that. but, his heart isn't ready to forgive me.

am i curious to know what she looks like? who she is?
yes! and, that makes me soooo mad. it's shouldn't matter
what she looks like. it shouldn't matter who she is.

i guess it's all part of a broken heart.

today is the first day that i've been upset again. but,he
brought all my clothes back.

the funny thing is that he doesn't want his key back and
hasn't given me mine. what does that mean? todd says that
means he isn't ready to give up our relationship. that
means that he will come back and that i have to be patient
and wait. but, is that what i want to do? yes and no!

yes, because i love him with all of my heart.

no, because i can't wait for him to realize what we have.

i wanted to do nothing but sleep all day. but, i was able
to get up out of bed and come to work. that's positive.

how do i get out there and start to find someone new? i
guess that means that i have to make myself available.