Ted Massey
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2001-10-19 06:42:01 (UTC)

First Random Entry.... not to be the last

Alrighty... I guess this is my first entry when i am slash
drunk/buzzing. I bet this won't be the last.... I already
said that I won't drink anymore, I mean this isn't as bad
as the last times, but I am breaking my own rules. Great.
Ohh well, there is no one else to complain to than myself.
But at least one thing helped me realize something about
myself tonight, life. My life here, like I said before, is
different than others, but it doesn't mean that I need to
seclude myself because of that. Thruthfully, since i've
been here, I really haven't done that, I have been going
out and partying and hanging out with everyone here, but
that isn't my real self, it hasn't made me feel 'whole'
since I have gotten here. Ohh well, it will come in time, I
might as well do with what I got now. No one is expected to
be perfect. Maybe after having the experiences I have had
with my friend Randy I have come to a conclusion that
things have to be perfect and beautiful all the time, but
it will not happen...

I am used to splitting up the 'world' in my last year of
high school. My last year of high school I ended up
getting high honor roll.... a 90 or above average and at
the same time I partied my ass of and delt with friends as
if I was a slacker that did not care about anything but
sociability. Right now, in college, I have to apply so
much that I am getting good mild grades but at the same
time not reaching my full potential that I could with
sociability that I did at home... maybe its the fact that
no one else here realizes that people have to do things on
their own, even if it means that a best friend won't talk
to another best friend for a couple days because they are
achieving their own dreams in school or without. I'm not
quite sure what everything is about... but I might as well
listen to my own heart and follow what I think is best and
average off my own aspect of scholarship and sociablity to
the level that i can do it at best. Till then... or a vwa
(I'm guessing that is really bad french, I never took french,
but i guess you guys can figure it out) and I will right to
you later, one journal again at night, or when i need to
express myself to the internet conglamerate (that isn't
spelled right too!, I really do need to catch up in school!)

Love always,
Ted Massey

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