g ir l nex t d o or

Fire Lillies H2O
2001-10-19 06:26:03 (UTC)

Minor adjustment day

So today is better. I feel good and I got my ice cream fix.
I really am trying to recognize that I need love around me,
and don't want t be drain by negative forces...whether
they are imagined or if that vibe is really being put off
by those people. I obtain the right to pull back from those
people, and to attach myself to the positive vibes that
around me. I am have those in Dan, Ria, and John...well Dan
may not always be positive but I do burn off steam, and I
am so at ease with hime that I don't feel like I have to be
put up to that high level of awareness. I am more myself. A
big fat dork.
yea. I am. And I like it. Have a problem. Kiss my ass.

I really want to go to build a bear, and make a Cat doll
named, "Fanny." I don't even care if its a waste of money
because its such a fun idea. I want to make her a big old
dork too. With a jump suit w/skirt, and glasses. Oh, how
cute!!!

I am craving thrift store shopping, so I think I will go on
Saturday. I get paid. I may even have a new job option... I
don't really think it will work out, but I am truly
tripping out because just the mere thought of a real job is
amzing. I mean I would go from saying I work two jobs that
will probably lead nowhere, and have nothing to with my
degree is hard to tell people about, but at the same time
how does that sound to tell people that's what you do...I
work using art as therapy method for help heal children who
are sexually abused. I mean not does it have point, but I
am using my frivolous degree. AND I would still be able to
home for weekends and the full weekends!!!! That would be
so wierd. I would feel like such an adult. It's also 12.50
an hour. With benfits. I am excited, but so thrown off
balance. I mean I feel like such an adult. A real person,
but at the same time, I probably won't get it.
But at least I know I should considering more options. I am
not retarded. I can do this. get a real job. maybe work
some nites if I ever get to be a server at bakers for the
chump change. Then volunteer somewhere on Sundays instead
of a church....then maybe take two nite classes. I mean
where do I want to be in the end of all of this?
I do want the ocean bad, but maybe that will be later. I
could live here for another year. Who knows. I mean I could
pay for a single in Davis on my own...with 1600 a
month...Who can say. I just want love and peace around me.

Craziness....!!!!

Plus the exercising I have been doing is giving me the
endorphins I need which is very good. I am glad for it. It
helps me stay balanced and all. which I need SOOO badly.

Plus, I just had my period today, so that helps stop
whatever excess I was having inside of me... oh,yea. I hate
that shit...

Well, I talked to Dan, Ria, and John about it..I was going
to tell Jen, but she stopped listening so i just decided to
for go the conversation. I tell her when or if it
happens...My mom will just be so happy if it works out.

Well, that's preoccupying my mind. I need t go distract my
self...whooooohoooo

Love,
GND


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