my lil secrets
2001-03-10 08:19:54 (UTC)

dear diary, well i did it. i am..

dear diary, well i did it. i am now more confused then i
was in the beginning. i luv R i really do i know i do. it
was so clear when i was talking to him he was crying an
telling me he was sorry. im sposed to b sorry. he kept
going on about how he messed this all up an yadda yadda i
want to b with him still but i cant do this he knows it we
sed were gaanna take this weekend an think about it all
then make a final dec, i cant bleve me. i thought i was
doing the rite thing now im not so sure. an B-sweet B. he
is great an he has no idea all this is happening to me. i
shouldnt hav accepted his hand. i should delt with R first.
i am so stupid. i think im going to tell him whats going on
he is sposed to see me tomarrow so i can sit him daown an b
honest an b an adult about it. then i hav to think about
what i am going to do with R. what do i want? i dont even
know anymore. i thought i did but now im not so sure. life
is so confusing. i should of jus had an arranged marrige or
sumfin to that effect so then i wouldnt hav put myself in
this situation. i need to do alot of thinking. im shaking
as i type this. as soon as i herd R's voice, usually strong
an stern but tonight it was shakey an tear filled, i lost
it. everything that had finally begin to make since jus
dissappeared. D (my best friend) told me to furget bout R
an let B sweep me off my feet bcuz i need it. but i cant
jus forget about R. she doesnt understand-noone really dus.
i dunno, the one thing i do know is that i need sleep an i
need it soon so im ganna stop ritting now-