a little piece of me
2001-10-19 01:00:29 (UTC)

feel sick

oh god. it's all over. have you ever loved someone so
much that you forget about yourself? they consume every
moment of your time. you love them so much that it hurts.
well, i did. and that person just ripped my heart out and
tossed it aside like a piece of garbage. i knew this was
coming. i was just in denial. i feel like i'm going to
throw up. i swear, i will never love anyone else again. i
disagree that it's better to have loved and lost than to
never have loved at all. so much pain. and he left me
when i needed him most.

typical of me, though. to fuck up the best part of my
life. to fuck up the only good part of my life actually.
why didn't i just end things while they were good? now i
have to suffer again. god the razor sounds so good right
now. can't find the damn things. might have to run out
and buy some before the night is over. yes, i know i
will. i still feel so sick. like my life wasn't screwed
up enough. wish i could stop shaking. he was leagues
above me. i never deserved to have him in the first
place. i am so negative, and i was dragging him down.
he's such a beautiful human, and i've lost him.

i am truly pitiful. must go get razors now...