SpineshankTool

The land of unknown
2001-10-19 00:55:37 (UTC)

I found my lost soul, but it's all broken down

Mood: Lost
Music: Crossbreed 'Lost Soul'

actually, i'm in a few different moods. but lost sums it
up. i feel alone, like there's no one with in reach of me
and i also feel like there are too many people around
and i can't breathe. right now, i REALLY need a friend to
talk to out here. Matt and Chris ask what's up with me,
but it seems like they're doing cuz they feel they should.
we're not really friends. they more or less just use me.
Matt does seem to care more, but i need some one
who i can be myself around. there are few people i can
be myself around. or even part of myself. with Matt and
Chris, it seems like i have to become like them for them
to accept me. and Steve and the guys he hangs out with
are just too different from me to even try. i just haven't
been able to feel accepted yet. i feel lost most of the
time at school. with out knowing people like me, i start
to lose who i am. i noticed i had been changing. i don't
want to. just sometimes, it feels like no one wants to
know me. no one really has taken the time to really
know me. Steve knows probably the least about me. he
doesn't seem to care either. i'd stop going to that table
but i'd have no where else to go. i'm going to stop
waiting for things. they never seem to happen. waiting
for friends to reply to these on their own with out me
saying it every few entries. waiting for real friends to
save from this shit hole i call my life these days. waiting
for 'the one for me'. i'm concluding that she may not
exist. and waiting for something good to happen to me
for once. i'll just accept this as life. and keep to myself
as much as i can. i wont let people get to know me,
even though no one wants to. i'll shut all these people
out and live like the hermit Kitty wanted to be. i'm the
one who shouldn't live with people. i'm not accepted. i
am the outcast.