Scenes from a Marriage
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2001-10-19 00:22:40 (UTC)

Thursday, October 18th

It sucks to be me right now, I am having to play both sides
of the fence and I don't like it. For an update, I refiled
the separation papers, and he signed them yesterday, my
attorney is filing them tomorrow. But, of course, the only
way he would sign them is with conditions, he wants to stay
in the house because he said he is going to be broke after
paying child support to two of us, my answer to that is
that he made the choices that led to this. So, we decided
today to make a "household account", he is going to get his
check changed over to direct into his account and mine will
stay going into mine and we will each put in an equal
amount each month to the household fund. Then the money we
each have left we can do what we want with it. I am trying
to ease him into seeing that he can afford life on his own,
and once the papers are legal I will have the ability to
make him leave the house. I feel like I am playing with
fire here, when he finds out I have "scammed" him by lying
he is going to EXPLODE and will probably try to kill me.
But, I guess I just realized it is time to fight fire with
fire and that things just aren't going to work if he has
all the control and power.

It is time I took back my own life and the life I want for
my son, and called the shots for a change. I just am not
able at this point to accept the fact he has another child,
I just can't be okay with that and stay married to him. He
betrayed me and proved that the paper of our marriage was
just that a paper. He proved that he does not care about
me, or he would have not this horrible thing. He thinks it
is no big deal that he has to pay child support to her, but
I am not going to support all of us while his money goes to
her for the other child.

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