VAMYR GUARDIAN ANGEL

Shadow
2001-10-18 23:22:27 (UTC)

FRUSTRATION

WELL TODAY WAS A BITCH.PLAIN AND SIMPLE. MY NOW X-
GIRLFRIEND TOTALLY MISUNDERSTOOD WHAT I WROTE IN ONE OF MY
LETTERS AND SHE THINKS I CALLED HER THE SCUM OF THE EARTH
AND A BUNCH OF SHIT. HOW SHE PERCIEVED THAT, I HAVE NO IDEA!
I'M ABOUT READY TO SAY "FUCK IT", BUT I'M GONNA TRY AGAIN
TO SEE IF I CAN CLEAR THINGS UP, AND IF I CAN'T, THEN I
ALWAYS GOT MY G.A. TO TALK TO. RIGHT NOW SHE'S ALL I GOT.
EVERYONE ELSE EITHER WANTS TO BEAT MY ASS OR..........BEAT
MY ASS.(MAN,YOU'D THINK I WAS THE SCUM OF THE EARTH!)
I GOT HOME AND LET OUT SOME FRUSTRATION, BUT NOT
ENOUGH ANGER. I PUNCHED A HOLE IN THE WALL WHILE ON THE
PHONE WITH MY G.A. AND THREW SOME STUFF, BUT FOR SOME
REASON, I CALMED DOWN WHILE TALKING TO HER. I'M STILL
UPSET, BUT NOW I'M DOWN TO THE POINT THAT I CAN MASK IT.
DESPITE ALL THIS NEGATIVETY, THERE WAS SOMETHING GOOD
ABOUT TODAY, AND A REASON TO LOOK FORWARD TO TOMORROW. I
FOUND OUT TODAY THAT MY G.A. LIKES ME AND EVENTUALLY WANTS
TO SEE HOW MUCH IS REALLY BETWEEN US. I COULDN'T BE MORE
HAPPY ABOUT THAT.(YOU HAVE NO IDEA) AND SHE'S PROBABLY
READING THIS, SO I MIGHT AS WELL MAKE A CONFESSION WHILE
I'M ON THE SUBJECT.
I LIKE HER AS WELL.(DIDN'T MASK IT WELL, THOUGH.) SO
FAR, EVERYTHING I LOOK FOR-SHE POSSES AND SHE ACTUALLY
UNDERSTANDS ME.(THAT IN ITSELF IS A MIRACLE) MAKES ME
WANDER ABOUT SOME THINGS, LIKE MAYBE I WON'T BE ALONE AND
MISUNDERSTOOD FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE. BUT LIKE SHE SAID,
EVENTUALLY. I NEED TO GET BACK ON MY FEET, AFTER ALL THIS
SHIT, I'M A WRECK. SO FAR, MY LACK OF MEDICATIONS HAS
PROVEN TO BE CHALLENGING,BUT I'M MANAGING. I DID A LOT
BETTER TODAY THAN YESTERDAY.I WAS STILL SHAKY AND IT WAS
HARDER FOR ME TO KEEP MY EMOTIONS IN LINE.
I WROTE A SONG CALLED "BRING IT ON" IT
WAS "EXPRESSIVE."
RIGHT NOW, I'M JUST HERE.I'VE GOT TO CALL MY FRIEND
JOHNNY AND SEE WHAT THE DEAL IS ABOUT THE BAND WE'RE TRYING
TO GET TOGETHER. MY GRANDPA DIED LAST NIGHT,BUT THE FUNERAL
IS IN ATLANTA, AND I DON'T KNOW IF I'M GOING OR NOT. I
DON'T WANT TO. FUNERALS ARE ALL THE SAME TO ME, I'M NUMB TO
THEM NOW. I THINK THE ONLY WAY I'D REALLY CARE AND BE
SEVERELY UPSET IS IF MY G.A. DIED, BUT SHE'S ALREADY
PROMISED ME THAT SHE'S NOT LEAVING ANYTIME SOON. I'M
HOLDING HER TO THAT PROMISE.
IF SHE DID DIE, I THINK THE LAST PART OF MY HEART WOULD
GO WITH HER. NO ONE WOULD BE ABLE TO EVEN GET A
CONVERSATION OUT OF ME. NOW THAT I'VE FOUND HER AND KNOW
WHAT IT'S LIKE TO BE UNDERSTOOD, I DON'T THINK I COULD LIVE
WITHOUT THAT FEELING, AND HOPE.
BUT RIGHT NOW, I HAVE TO GO. MY "PARENTS" ARE BITCHIN'
AT ME.


-SHADOW