My Crazy Messed Up Life
2001-10-18 20:55:05 (UTC)

She's not giving up on me :o)

Today has been a pretty crazy day. I wrote my casework
midterm this morning...did ok, not as well as I wanted, but
ok. I've decided that I am not going to let myself stress
out and beat myself up over poor marks. I'm still going to
try hard in school but I'm going to settle with 70's and
80's and not stress out if i do get them. I have enough
pressure in my life, i don't need this too. I saw my lil'
mentee today, she is soooo cute. I so wish that i could
bring her home with me. Tonight I have volunteer training
session at the hospital, we're gonna learn about
rapekits...should be interesting and triggering, we'll see.
Another thing that i got off my plate and am quite happy
about is...well, i wrote here a few days ago that something
was buggin' me but i didn't know what...well, i figured it
out...I have been having "crazy thoughts" about Judy. The
major thought was she's just givin' up on me...anyway, this
stupid thought has seriously kept me up for the last two
nights. So I decided to call her today. I got her VM and
left a message...than of course, the crazy thoughts really
started flying...i started thinking, why did i even call
her, she's probably not going to call me back, why would
she even bother with someone like me???...i started to cry,
put Sarah's Freedom Sessions in for some comfort and
thought deeply about my fucked up life...I was SOOOOO
shocked when the phone rang just a few minutes later. I
asked Judy if she was infact giving up on me...she said no.
can you believe it...SHE'S NOT GIVING UP ON ME!! WOO HOO!!
So her simple two letter answer brought me out of the
stupid rut I've been stuck in for 2 days now...Hearing her
say that has given me a little bit of hope to push on and
press forward. So, as stupid as it sounds...that was the
highlight of my day so far. Anyway, it's just about 5:00 so
i'm gonna go and eat, and get ready for my SASC
training...I'll write more later.