Bella Devotchka

Entry 1

Well, it's been quite an interesting couple weeks...i found
out i was pregnant, became not pregnant anymore, am in the process of
moving back home, and got my heart shattered...again. I'd
say that all in all it's been pretty eventful. There has
been quite a few tears, and harsh words...but it will blow
over. "this, too shall pass." I just really can't wait
until it does.
Well, Nick crushed me again. Suprize, suprize. I guess
on the bright side, after being hurt so manytimes, you
start to get numb to it. So, at least I am not going
pysycho like i used to...boy those were the
days...lol...when nick was in love w/ me...i miss them in a
way...but, i dont. He made me feel so good when he wanted
to..but boy oh boy could he make me feel horrible. When i
look at it in retrospect, i know that he is not right for
me, and i should move on. But, it's just like telling a
hypochondriac they aren't sick. Deep down they know it, but
they refuse to accept it. That is how i am w/ nicholas. I
know deep down he is not right for me, but i just can't get
it through my heart...my head has it down pat, it's my
heart that is being retarded...lol..i have a retarded
heart. Go figure.
While i am on a roll with havign a pity party, i
should tack on the fact that i have no friends. none. well,
Trevor. that's about it. and he just wants to bone
me. Boy do i know how to pick 'em. Nicole has nothing to do
w/ me, Steph is in Cali, Cara, well, she is a friend, but
she lives in Sagnasty, I hate all of my old roomates...my
family bugs the mess out of me...grrr...i have definetely
had better times in my life...but i am so thankful for
joyce and music. For nick being such an ass...his mom, Joyce is such
a great woman. Nick does NOT deserve her. It makes me so
mad that he got her, and i got stuck w/ my parents...he
just does not deserve her...but she has really helped me
out lately..i am extremely grateful...i would be even lower that i
feel like i already am w/o her. But things are at rock bottom right
now, so the only place things can go from here is up :) that is about
the only thing that gets me through the days. well, i am done for
now...peel out