2001-10-18 12:53:38 (UTC)

10/18/01 Day One

This diary is more for Mike, my fiance, than anyone. I
thought it'd be a nice present for our wedding. Since our
wedding is nine months from today, and we live 500 miles
apart, this is my way of showing him what life without him
really is like. IT'S HARD!! I really miss all of my
friends and I get so jealous that he can hop in his car and
go see them. After all, he wouldn't be friends with them
had we not been together. I need to make a correction from
up top, our weddings is nine months from tomorrow, not
today. Ok, back to what I was saying. It's really hard
planning a wedding in Asheville from Pensacola. I feel
that I am stuck between a rock and a hard place and when we
finally do go up on Nov. 9, all the good places could very
well be taken up :(. And I know that Mike and Mike's
family want us to have a church wedding...BUT IT'S JUST NOT
GONNA HAPPEN! It's not the way I've dreamed of my wedding
for so long. I mean after all, I knew in my junior year of
high school that I was going to marry Mike. I never would
have dreamed that it would be this early, but I never have
been happier. Ya know minus the part that we live 500
miles away and can't see or talk to each other just
whenever we want to...grrrrrr!!!! Now I am having second
thoughts about my attendants. I feel like they should be
people that I am close to, not people who will look pretty
up there. Tracy is my supposed co-maid of honor, but she
doesn't talk to me. She is supposed to be my best friend,
but I find out things from her through the grapevine, and
that should not happen. Jenna and I never were really
close, but I wanted her in it b/c it would be like
reuniting the "group", but now that's really giving me
second thoughts. And then there is Brooke B, who I love
greatly and didn't even consider asking to be in my
wedding. I feel so horrible. She has been there through
thick and thin with me and I just kinda blew any kind of
anything out with the wind. If I were her, I would be a
little bit pissed off at myself right now. And on top of
all this I'm doing work and school....AHHHHHH!!!! I think
I need a mental health day!