kiss me, kill me, hold me, thrill me
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2001-10-18 04:57:47 (UTC)

Evening I think it is

Hello. Good evening. Tonight I talked to John's friend
Dave. That was sort of fun. Dave had originally asked John
for my number when I met him. This was back before John and
I started going out. Dave is nice, but not my type. He was
telling us about meeting three girls at a bar with his
friend. His friend had sex with one of them while Dave
entertained the other two. They were all drunk I guess.

Number one I'm not much for drinking and number two I happen
to still be a virgin. I just haven't found the right person
and only having had one other boyfriend...I'm sure you can
get the picture somehow.

I got a laugh last night. John said his mother asked him if
he was engaged. Goodness, we've been goin gout for one
month, I'm his first girlfriend and he's my second boyfriend
so I don't think we would be getting engaged this soon. I
don't know, maybe some people move that fast, but not me and
so far not John.

I painted my nails today. I chose a dark red with sparkles.
It looked fall like so I put it on. I figured if John and
I are going out with Jay and his new girl M this weekend I
want to look nice. We're going ice skating. John and I
have yet to meet M. Jay talks about her all the time now.

It is great to know that Jay is over his ex-girlfriend. He
at least appears to be more over her now than he was a month
ago when I was home. Jay used to go on and on about his ex
and going over various reasons in his head why she would
have dumped him. She never did tell him.

The number one thing I hope happens if John and I break up
is that the person who gets broken up with knows why.

The hardest thing about breaking up with my first boyfriend
Jason was that he didn't understand. I called him on a
Sunday night, a school night, got him out of bed and then
broke his heart. I heard he cried for a week after that.
Our age difference got in the way. At the time he was a
Junior in high school and I was a Freshmen in college.

The biggest thing though was the lack of communication.
When I realized I no longer wanted to date Jason I didn't
say anything. Then he gave me a heart shaped ring for
graduation. I heard he had to take a loan out from his Dad
just to pay for it. The ring made me think that maybe there
was something still there in our relationship. It launched
us into a long summer of seeing eachother once a week. He
would call me on Sunday night and we'd discuss our work
schedules and get together sometime during the week.
Usually we only managed to get together once a week if that.
It made the relationship pretty easy for me. I didn't have
to worry about it because there was nothing to it. I tried
to distance myself from Jason so he would dump me. It didnt
work. He never talked to me about my lack of involvement.
We couldn't communicate anything.

He never did dump me like I tought he would. It was my hope
and prayer that he would. Instead I had to gather up the
balls to dump him myself. It was really my mother who got
me to do it. She saw me avoiding him the Saturday before I
dumped him, the very day before infact. She noticed it and
called me on it. I then had to call him and end it. Just
as I thought he didn't understand. Instead he sent me
letters and said he wanted to get back together.

For a while there when I would see him he'd run up and give
me a hug. Even when he had a girlfriend he did this. Now
when I see him on campus because he happens to have come
here too he is more normal. I saw him just the other day
when I was at the espresso stand. He just ran by and said
hi. It was odd to see him. I don't really like running
into him because I feel bad. He didn't get the closure like
I know Jay wants from his ex.

I hope someone comes online soon so I can talk to them.
It's fun to write all of this, but there is nothing like
human interaction, even if it is cyber chatter. I love to
talk. Talking to people over the net removes the whole
nervousness thing. I can say whatever i want and be whoever
I want when I chat.

Once I was chatting with some kid from Cali. I say kid
because he was younger than me. I had him thinking I was a
hooker and I could hook him up with a chick in LA. I don't
think he really believed me at face value, but he really
wanted to have sex with me for real sometime.

I had a guy want to cyber with me. It was my Freshmen year
when I was new at the whole internet chatting thing. I
wasn't brave and I'm not into that whole thing. The sick
thing was that he said his girfriend was with him. What
girl in their right mind would sit around with their
boyfriend and watch him cyber with a total stranger over the

Last year I had a guy from India that wouldn't leave me
alone. I tried to gross him out. I told him my boyfriend
wanted to have sex with him, but that didn't scare him off.
I told him I had a penis, but that didn't work either. He
wanted to see a picture of me naked. I said I wouldn't give
him a pic of me naked until hegave me one of him. He never
did give me one. I don't have any pictures of me naked so
there was no way I would have done it. I'm not that stupid.
Who would give a total stranger a picture of them naked.
What if that person turns out to be someone just down the
hall from them? That would suck for them!

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