Babydoll in Hell

my life with the devils
2001-10-18 01:58:16 (UTC)

I'm sad

dear diary,
i think there is another person inside of me and it hurts
because i think i tend to be hurting other people around me
that i care about a lot. this one friend was purposely
keeping something from me. i found out what it was today.
it turns out she has a date to go to this dance at our
school, and i was really happy for her. when i asked her
why she didnt tell me before (shed known about it for
almost a week) she said that she thought id be mad at her
because it was this other girls exboyfriend. that hurt
because she didnt trust me and when someone cant trust you,
what are you to them? are you just a person thats there
that can make a few poeple laugh? i think im gonna start
making a list of things that really piss me off.
1) to be in a situation in which:
a. you cant get out of
b. youre helpless
2) the sun
it stands as a sign that everything is ok even when its
not. you look at the sun and only then do you realize that
the day isnt over yet and there are many hours before you
can take a sleeping pill and dream time away
3) sleeping pills
dont get me wrong with this one, yes i take them
because i have a hard time sleeping but they only make the
dreams worse. and its almost as bad as reality because you
can almost not wake up from them. but these are better
then reality because if theyre bad then when you eventually
wake up you know it was a dream and then you arent so
worried about it anymore.

im sorry im like so depressed today but i think that if i
get it out on "paper" then i wont end up taking it out on
someone thats completely innocent of the whole thing.
always and forever,