the one who got away

day after day

today started out absolutely wonderful
i was so happy this morning
i could tell that the lord was in my presence
im always so much happier when i look to him and when he
and i are close in our relationship

but i feel like such a failure at so many other things
im supposed to be a bio major and i cant even pass biology
im struggling so much and i dont know what i am going to do
i think ill talk with michael to see if he can help me
and cosper and erin and katie all said they would help me
on our way down to Atlanta this weekend....so hopefully
things will start to look up

chris and i still arent the same...sometimes i just wanna
start completely over.....but it wont change anything even
if we were to say ok lets try....i mean i think i hurt his
feelings last night but then i think about it myself and im
like well its a defense mechanism.....i figure that if i
convince myself that i like him b/c i cant have him or if i
tell myself that he is a jerk than my feelings for him wont
be as strong...thats how i have always dealt with it

*sigh*
well im gonna go take a nap maybe clear some of these
thoughts

later guys