2001-10-17 14:25:02 (UTC)

I am hurting Big Time!

Dear Diary:
I am hurting big time now. I thought I had found my second soul mate for sure, but I was wrong now and I see it. I will never find another man such as my Rocky, and I have to come to terms with that.

He never made me feel used, not that Frank does.
He has never used me. It is not the same diary.

I want the love and sex at the same time, not just
the sex. It is important but not as important as the love is.

I gave him my heart and the tone of his msn messages have changed since we slept together. I told him I had been hurt many times over by men
and I am trying to love and trust again.It gets increasingly harder over each failed relationship.

I doubt if I will ever find another such as Rocky.
One of a million and I miss him. He has been dead now for six years and so have I.
I know he would want me to be happy again. I doubt
if I ever will be.

I will try to be his friend and I want to be with him on the 27th and on the 16th-18th of November
for his birthday.

He speaks about next summer, there may not be a next summer for us. I hope he can see that.
Summer is a long way off. I may not be here.
I may be dead. It is better than being alive and
living with what I have too.

He means so much to me. I wonder if he knows and
if he feels the same way as I do. I donot know.

Love but hurting and in tears,
as I write this entry.