Life as I know it.
2001-10-17 07:21:10 (UTC)

Two worlds collided and they could never tear us apart.

So tonight I went to see Superdrag and the
Anniversary...twas a fun night. I went with Pat, Andy,
Luke, and Karoline. Well actually I technically went with
Pat and ANdy...we did Subway (TM) before the show then
went. I saw Matt there, he was there with his friend
Rob...I so tried to play it off like I didnt see him but
Matt came over and said Hi and stuff so that was nice of
him. I had a lot of fun, I cant help it people from
highschool (karoline and pat) just make me super
happy...its like I dont have to act like im in college
anymore...you know? So Karoline and I started freak
dancing to some Dre song they were playing inbetween sets
and seriously, for the first time in a long time, i was
really having a great time...being myself 100 percent.

BUt I left theshow halfway early cause the mixing of the
Anniversary was horrible. I mean HORRIBLE. So I go back
to Heathers and told her how much fun I had and that it
just sucked that I didnt feel that I could talk to Matt
since he was my ex and that I didnt think I should even
think of sleeping with him again cause my feelings were
once again getting tangled up, and we just didnt talk like
normal human being anymore...and she said i was smart. I
felt better about that.

So I come up here...and i am checking my mail, and talking
to some people when Matt signed on, i said if it were meant
to be it would be (us talkign that nght) cause I wasnt
going to IM him cause of how iwas feeling (i.e. confused)
and as soon as I told sarah that, he im'd me. He wanted me
to come over for sex...I told him no, that i cant
anymore...he was upset...asked me why and i said "because i
think its dumb for my friends to sleep with their ex's and
i realize that im dumb for doing it" and then i added "and
i cant tell you whats on my mind ever" then he is
like "tell me whats on your mind" andim like "i just really
dont want to talk about it" and then he is like "you know
jenn i stil love you but we jut dont work" and im like "i
know" so then he is like "tell me what you want" and in
short i basically told him " i want we had, all the good
parts...no fighting im sick of fighting" and he is
like "thats what i want" and then he is like "listen I
could see us going back out again" and im like "really" and
in short he is like "lets try" so i go over to his place
(NOT FOR SEX) and we just hugged eachother for a while, and
i left and he put me in a headlock and told me he would
talk to me tomorrow...so I cant wait til see what tomorrow
brings....im trying to be more positive and stuff about
this...like last time i was so bitter, but now that we
actually are talking and getting along, im not bitter
anymore. I just miss him...like boyfriend Matt not ex
Matt. And i vow to try to be less jealous and more
understanding of him and his actions and if somethng
bothers me im gonna ask abot it. simple as that. NO MORE