Where shouldI begin, perhas in the close
2001-10-17 06:01:10 (UTC)


Ok I hope this will open a few eyes, and hopefully
a few hearts as well. This is my story, well as much as
can ge down for right now. This will piss a few people off
and hopefully help a few people understand where I stand
with them and on a few other things. If you take nothing
from this I hope it will at least provide a little
entertainment in your cog exitance.

How many people can say they actually can feel isanity
nestleing into their brain? I shure as hell can. Right
now everything in my life feels as though it is crumbling
down like a saltine cacker in the mouth of a starving man
trapped on an desert island. I do have one ray of sunshine
in my eternal torment, my dear friend megan. If it was't
for her my head would have spun clear off of my shoulders
on a slightly tilted axis.
Where to begin with my tale, perhaps with the current
situation and then I will fill in the details as I go. Ok
how about my current mental status... If there was a code
red for total brain meltdown I would be there right now. I
am in a perpetual state of confusion and my actions are
those of man driven insane by slow torture to the soul.
I realized who my real friends are this previous
weekend. I discovered who was hiding behind the blue
velvet, as I like to say. This Sat. was my 17th birthday.
I never ask for anything from my friends, except to be
honest with me. Out of the numerous people I called
frends, guess how many called me on my b-day, or bothered
to stop by or leave a message...1! That was my exgirlfrend
Liss who is 6 months pregnant with the baby of the guy she
left me for! Major turn-out. Of coarse I spent my
birthday with Megan Martin, my basically only REAL friend,
because my own girlfriend went out with her friends and
some other guy. Some birthday. My friends I made on
Thursday did more for me than my supposed friends in my
home town, except for Megan of coarse.
A little insight to what has happened to me in the past
few months...1.My mother and sister are taking the legal
action to disown me, telling my own friends to find Rosie,
my girlfriend, a REAL man since I am such a piece of shit,
and she has the nerve to try and call me on my birthday.
2.My girlfriend has gone out of her way to try and break me
down until I kill myself or her. Given me major reason to
think that she has something going on with a marine named
Joe in Hawaii, and done everything in her power to
undermine my authority as her boyfrend and ridicule me in
front of God and everyone. But this I am used to. I
havn't had a girlfriend in the past god knows how long who
hasn't cheated on me. 3. I have an inheratence coming my
way that will set me for life, that would be a plus if
everyone and their mothers, literally, weren't coming up to
me hitting me up for cash. Now I know how all those rapers
feel after they make it big. Everyone actually acts like
you owe them something. My own "friends" I was gunna hook
up with some dope rides, but come on! These people are too
busy to even call or see me on my goddamn birthday, but
they can still call themselves my friends, and that new
Mustang really sounds nice too, but it isn't going to
happen. Unfuckingbelieveable. 4. I found out who my real
friends are. Better now than later.
My most difficult situation right now is my girl Rosie.
I love her to death and with all my heart, but I am only
human, and can take only so much. Megan tries to help me
here, and I appreciate it, but there realy is nothing she
can do. This is something I will have to sort out. I
really don't know what to do. Most people view me as
Brodie the hardcore kung fu guy, and that is who I am, to
an extent. I do have a heart and a soul I hope as well. I
go out of my way to make Rosie happy and in a good mood,
but she has rendered that impossible. On Mon when I went
to the jail with Megan, I left a dozen roses and a stuffed
dog in her car to find when she got home. I waited and I
looked for her, but she was nowhere to be found. No pages,
even though she swears up and down she tried twice, no
message on the machine, nothing. Finally she comes home
and she had been out with one of her friends, paranoid that
I had been following her. And she wonders why I am in a
foul mood 90% of the time. I just don't know what to do
anymore. I actually feel afraid because of my massive
confusion. The only advice I have been given from my real
friends and even by her family is:"Brodie, guys like you
come along once in a million years, you are just better off
without her, unless she learns respect for who the man in
her life is real quick, and we both know that isn't how it
is going to be." More or less that is the advice I have
been given even by her own family. Any advice is needed
even if it is bad. Still pondering on what to do. I am
not only going to tell one side of the story here.
Sometimes I can be a serious DICK! I am very insecure when
it comes to faith in females, but I feel I have just cause
for my insecurities.
I am physically one of the fittest people I know, except
for this smoking thing, but emotionally I am wore down and
emotionally tired. I am tired of the fake friends, the
phony thoughts of security in the love I think I find, only
to be proven to be nothing more than premature
ejackulation. Nothing more than a big pain in the ass, but
my search continues. The love I have now is slowly fading
and that is a true void in the soul. I would want nothing
more than to preserve the love I have now, but I don't
think Rosie can make me happy anymore, reguadless to what
she thinks, my entire brainwaves are NOT COMITTED TO SEX!
I like sex as much as I like t breathe, and I like it that
way damnit! When it is with someone you truely love, it
just makes it so much better. That is why I like it so
much because it is with her.
I do have another real good friend, more of a lfe-long
frend, who goes by the name BO. But I just call him
Jeremiah. One of the smartest men I know and he has a mere
highschool diploma. He has 2 wonderful kids Gavin and
Aubrey. I have known him for almost 6-7years now and all I
can say is he is great. He suffers from a severe disease
that would have rendered any normal man insane, but he
continues to fight. As does Megan. Megan suffers
unnecessaraly from a terrible disease. If there is one
person in this world who deserves not to suffer it is her.
She is what even the pope would call a good soul. The pope
would throw me out of a vatigan window while haveing tea
with Megan. The pope would rather cut his own head off
with a chainsaw than see me, but he would invite Megan to
his wedding. I think you get the picture.
I have comitted my crimes and I have done my time for
them as well. If you drive past the youth correctional
faccility on Grant Line Rd you might catch a glimpse of the
crops and flowers I spent a summer tending and harvesting.
But I have bettered myself, and I plan to continue staying
this way. Hopefully Love will find me, or the love I have
will be rekindeled, which would be nice. Well exhausted
now I must retire. Until next chapter, keep smiling, and
keep reading, knowledge is truely power.

PS If you enjoyed the reading, or if it just moved you a
little, share it with others, print it out and give it to
someone or some people who may take something from this.
Hell post it up at your school if you like =). Feel free
to send any questions or comments; or if you just want to
talk about a good book you read; to me via e-mail @
[email protected], let me know what you think.