2001-10-17 01:35:24 (UTC)

Lost Without Him

Dear Diary:

I am lost without him. My life is so empty without him and there is a void in my life when I am not with him. It hurts like hell.

I walk around like zombie and my first thoughts of the day are of him and my last thoughts of the day before I go to sleep are of him.

I wonder if he feels the same way, I really do.
Is it geniune. Do I give him my heart, soul, and
everything just to get hurt once again, I wonder.

Or do I take one last chance for happiness. I need to know I need to know. Because my heart can not bear to be broken again. Because I will die and simply stop living and loving.

The one day we do not talk over msn is very painful for me. I wish I were young again, so I could give him his heart's desire and make him happy.

I can pray for it, that is all I can do. It is the Lord that must answer my prayers.

Just leaving him was painful. I hated to board that metra train and come back to Chicago.

I wish I could win the lottery and take us away from all this and far from the maddening crowds.
Just him, me, and my cats. Find a country home
and live by ourselves.

I feel so lost and so empty.I can not wait until
October 27. I will kill me. It will kill me.

90 miles seems like 900 miles indistance.

Oh, I hurt bad and I hurt badly for him.

Does he feel the same way, I wonder. I hope and
pray so.

Love, AmericanIrishRose
(Karissa Anne Lowell)