The First 9 Months of Our Lives
2001-10-16 15:13:24 (UTC)


My hubby when to a rave last weekend with his sisters---He
loves to go and dance. I didn't want him to go....for two
reasons.....The smaller one was I couldn't go with him
(because of the smoke and stuff) and the bigest reason and
the real reason...because I didn't want him in that
atmosphere....we're both really trying to draw closer to
God and I don't think a rave is the place to do it...

So, I let him know how I felt and that I didn't want him to
go...and he went anyway, there was no fight....he kissed me
and hugged me before he left..and did his cute thing so I
would smile before he left (to make himself feel
better)...and it just hurt me so bad. I mean...I'm his
wife...shouldn't it matter if I don't want him to go
somewhere? I mean..I know I can't make him stay
home...but...He's supposed to be my spiritual leader...and
he's trotting off to a rave....

Anyway, as the night grew longer and longer and 1:00am
rolled around...I finally was released from my aggrivation
and sadness by sleep.....then they got home at stunk sooooo was
horrible....He just passed through the room--gave me a kiss
on the cheek and went into the restroom and that smell just

I went to sleep--because..well, I was out of it...The next
morning....I was really hurting and aggrivated...I got up
before him...and went in the kitchen to make some chicken
noodles soup (for breakfast!). I sat down on the balcony
and at my chicken noodle soup and read....Mere christian
about C.S. Lewis. It is a really great book....Anyway, I
just started praying that God would show my husband why it
wasn't right to go to those raves...and why he hurt my
feelings...and most of all--that God would pull on him even
harder and help him to be the Man of God that his called to

So...I just cried a little....and went into the
kitchen...and there...MM was to tell me about this crazy
dream he had about 5:30 that morning. It was really
horrible. He had a dream about a person...and
well, in short, he was trying to defeat death because it
was after him and he knew it was not his time to go--but he
was unable to...death laughed at him...and said "It's my
turn" and put his finger on MM right shoulder---He woke
up...but when he did....He couldn't move...His whole body
was immovable...He tried to cry out for help to one of
us...but he couldn't even open his mouth. He said he
stayed that way until tears started coming out of his
eyes...and he realized "I can get over this...this is just
an attack, I'm a child of God" and as soon as he thought all released off of him...

MM is not one to make up stuff...He is very very very down
to earth....He rarely shares how his day went...much less a
dream...Anyway, as he was tell me about his dream..I
remembered the dreams I had....All HORRIBLE....I had a
total of 4 that I can remember....One of loosing my
baby....One of my hubby dying....One of an evil me...(I
mean EVIL/SATANIC) and there was nothing I could do about
it....and the other was of demons and such....

I havn't had dreams like that in years....anyway, so, I go
back into my room after cleaning up after myself...and my
hubby has just gotten out of the shower....He comes over to
me and hugs me and just holds me tight and says "I'm so
sorry that I left without you last night, I'm sorry I went
at all....It wasn't the right thing to do. I love you so
much....You mean everything to me....I'm sorry if I hurt
you. I don't want to go to raves anymore...etc..." I just
cried in his arms and told him how I had prayed and what I
had been feeling and we just held each other, for what
seemed like forever! :) There is so much peace and comfort
in his arms...:)

While holding him....I just cried and out..."Thank you
God!...." My hubby put away his candy (for those of you
who don't know what that's a kind of jewelery that
raver's wear.) and decided not to wear his raver
visor...and he just said he felt like he didn't want
anything to do with it anymore. I asked him if something
had happened at the rave.....and he said that it was a
pretty normal rave....but part of the way through after
watching this video that was playing, he just began to see
things in a new light...and the conviction just started
building....and then he thought of me....home alone...
(which really isn't that big of a deal, I enjoy being alone
sometimes....I was just that..we always do stuff

Anyway, I am just sooo thankful for our marriage...It is so
wonderful--I mean it's got its, I am
sooo blessed. Thank you God!