pepampa

Sitting here feeling..

Sitting here feeling lifeless...weak and sore....
I feel I need something but not exactly sure what...
I miss my Matt...and I'm getting so sick.....
Just finished a long shift..and now looking at my bed..
Mmmmm I can't wait to sleep I'm not sure why I'm still here.
I was wanted to come right home, to talk to my sweet Matt..
Working and saving...it's just a small task.....
For the years to come..of being happy no more tears.....
The time now lost..hurts still deep inside.....
But hide it with a smile or a note...and then he wont tell..
Most of the time..I feel so bad.... just not right....
I get on with life..I do what I must get done....
But now..a certain peice of me is hiding.....
I am so very happy ..never get me wrong......
But I know how much happier I will be when I'm with him..
So I look to work..I raise an angel..when I'm home......
I miss my girl but I must do what need's to be done..
I miss my Matt but I'll do what I am doing to be with him...
I feel so tired...so drainned...it's not too easy....
Staying up late cuz she just wont go to bed..or I just want
to spend more time with her.....
Waking up early..carrying her tired body upstairs to a new
bed........getting ready...waitting for my ride....
Getting to work hour or more early...spending..12 hours
away, sometimes more..... then comming back to mommy do you
live at work now??????
I love work I alway's have..never thought I would have to
get used to being away from her though...
I knew I would have to deal with Matt so far....
But it is so dam hard...now I miss Hannah too:(
Strange huh I work 3 days..4 off but 1 day she goes out...
so I get 3 days with my girl...most of the time I'm
cleaning...or trying to get things that I need...now I will
be spending my day's off trying to fight for her...
To get her full time..as I already do but on paper...
So I will never have to truly miss her.......
I love my Hannah I love my Matt........
I feel I need sleep, I'll soon go to bed....To try to spend
the day to catch up on rest..then start the fight..then
organize my life.......The things around me that need to be
done....Man this is gonna be another busy week I think...
Ohhh damm just remembered I get 2 more kids here this
weekend along with more hectic work hours...lame....hahaha
how does one get herself out of chit hahaha.....
Ohhhh well we must do what we have to I guess....With all
that I have to do on top of it I miss him soooooo much it
hurts.....*sigh* I am sick tired and sore rambling about
chit that is in my head when really I should just go to bed!

Night