my lil secrets
2001-03-08 16:19:46 (UTC)

dear diary, i woke up a lil to..

dear diary, i woke up a lil to eary today. my moms ex-
girlfriend is such a pain. she is so bossy an bitchy an
unagreeable there is jus no talking to her. i want to keep
a relationship with her bcuz she has been my parent all my
life but i am so sik of her shit. sumtimes i wish i could
clone myself jus to make the clone do all the stuff i didnt
wanna do. but then agen id miss out on stuff. R is being a
jerk lately. i luv him i do, but it is starting to b
painful trying to b with him. he is so far away. B is so
sweet an i almost died when he kissed me. i want to b with
him. but i dont want to hurt R. its so hard trying to do a
long distance thing. i want to b able to hold him an
whatnot but i cant bcuz he is on the other side of the
country. B is rite here. an for sum reason i dont really
trust R like i used to. B is kinda what i want an need rite
now. i seem selfish but u try to keep a relationship with
sumone that is 2000 miles away an u cant really talk to him
that much or see him on the weekends. sumthing tells me he
is alredy seeing other ppl. i jus am to paranoid an scared
to keep this up. i cant enjoy the good that dus cum from
it. but with B im so comfortable an he seems so i dunno jus
what i like in a guy. i wonder if he'll ask me out....i
wonder what ill say, if ill tell R. R is online rite now
but i have not sent him a messeg yet. the way we talk the
most is online. B i get to talk to in person. an on the
phone with out being scared to look at the bill. R jus
doesnt seem like he is going to cum see me at all anymore.
he ses i should go there every so often-las night i was
crying bout the whole thing an he tol me to get a web
cam...its cheaper then going to see him. thas not even the
point. i want to hold him an kiss him an cuddle with him.
if i find a web cam that dus all that ill b fine. B is at
classes rite now. he is ganna call me when he gets home. he
didnt say he would but he always dus. Bdus all the stuff i
hav to ask R to do, only he dus it on his own. when i ask R
to do sumfin he gets all annoyed an we fite. i no R luvs least i used to but i cant keep this up i jus
dont know what to tell him. i kinda dont want to leav him
at the same time bcuz of the past an the luv i do hav for
him. im so confused rite now. i need a shower.