Visions Of Life
2001-10-16 00:36:04 (UTC)

Moving Out, Moving On.. But Part Of Me Is Stuck In The Past...

hmmm.. as much as I say that it doesnt bother me that my
best friend abandoned me, it does. I have been packin up my
stuff and found some stuff she gave me after graduation...
Again.. I am stuck in the past and it hurts alot more then
I let on.. We are so different and yet so alike and I wish
I knew what went wrong. I keep thinking back and wondering
what I could have done different. Maybe if I changed she
would still be around. But I refuse to change for anyone.
She has done this before so maybe she will decide that the
friendship and love we shared is more important then any
differences we may have.. Ive known her and been friends
with her for 10 years. Best friends for 6.. I have a hole
inside me that I cannot fill. Only she fills that... I miss
her so much but nothing I say to her will make her talk to
me. I just dont know what to do..

May 25th 2000 graduation day- shortened version of this

How did we arrive here? Two years ago it looked rocky and
totally out of reach. I dont know if the odds were in our
favor but we made it and we made it together. We had some
pretty tense and hard moments in our history. But notice a
pattern in our madness? Yep, me to. Even when faced with
the worst we found a common ground and stood on it together.

I know that I havnt been the easiest person to put up with
and I know that Im not perfect. The fact of the matter is
that I let people down and I have tried to make you happy
but always seem to screw it up. I know this wont help but
sorry for the pain. If I could go back and change it I
would makI it better. I wish I could have been different.

Alot more was said but that was the main part.. I have kept
that letter with me since then and now, re reading it I am
overcome with sadness. I thought we would be friends
forever. I thought that we had overcome our differences but
I guess I was wrong. I just wished she knew how much I love
her and that I would do anything for her but she wont even
let me say that to her. fuck..but Im used to this kind of
shit.. its my fault somehow.. just not sure why its my
fault.. but i guess i need to move on...