Guava

kiss me, kill me, hold me, thrill me
2001-10-15 23:08:21 (UTC)

Confusion

Ok, I know I said I would be working on my pots right now,
but there was a class in there when I got out of class. I
told John I was going to eat something, but to tell you the
truth I'm not really hungry. I may take something with me
to eat later. Not that I have much of that sort of thing
around here.

Lately I have been forgetting to eat or if I ate or not.
The meals run together and I'm not very hungry most of the
time. It's a terrible thing when you realize it, but when
I'm doing it, it seems so natural.

My professor liked my work I had to have done today. He
said he thought that me and another girl in the class had a
real grasp of what we were supposed to do. Mainly we didn't
add other elements that weren't supposed to be in the work.
It was supposed to be done using only type and our logo
thing. People added line elements etc. to it.

I guess what I'm confused about is what I'm doing here. I
don't mean here as in writing this diary thing, but I mean
in life. One day I feel like an ant in the scheme of things
and the next I'm a giant on top of the world. Today is a
mix of both. I'm not looking forward to working constantly
to get my pots done. I know it won't take too long if I
just get in there and plug away. I'm hoping the one pot
didn't dry out too much since I haven't touched it since
last Tuesday. I covered it in plastic and did not add any
extra newspaper or anything.

I'm chatting with John at work. He doesn't have the cd of
fonts that I need. I will have to either break down and buy
it or hope that one of my friends has it. I don't even know
if they sell it at the bookstore or not. I suppose I could
wander over there before heading up to the art building to
work on my pots.

Ok, I haven't mentioned it yet, but I'm a Graphic Design
major. I figure if I mentioned someone would find out who I
am and maybe think less of me having read these entries, but
right now I could care less. Screw anyone who reads this
that knows me and makes a judgement about me because of it.

Some people are so judgemental! I can't stand people who
make judgements based on a first impression or a brief
moment in time. I will be the first to admit that I can be
one of those people. I almost never voice these judgements.
Usually I realize as I'm thinking it that it's just a
judgement and I shouldn't let it cloud my judgement.

I looked at the breakdown for our grades in ceramics and I
think that if I can get over half the points for this
project and then do even better on the rest of them I think
I can get at least a B in the class. If anything my prof
(he's actually an assistant prof) will take pitty on my and
see how hard I worked. If I don't do well on this project
it's not the end of the world, but I do want to do better
than I have previously.

I usually pull C's in these classes. I did even worse in
into to jewelry and metals last quarter. Let's just say I
bombed my first class ever. The big fat F was something I
had not seen before in my life. I hope to never see it
again. I totally stunk at that class. I'm ok at ceramics.

As you may have guessed I really don't want to go work. I
know I need to, but I would rather sit here and type all the
useless stuff I can think of to write here.

I wonder if anyone will read my diary? I sometimes browse
the other diaries here and see what other people are
writing. It's mostly to see if they are as insane as I am.
Usually they aren't. I have to say I'm probably the most
insane person I know. If there is a person less sane than
me please let me know. I would love to meet them!

I don't know why I started all of this. I just wanted to
hop on and write a quick message here and go on my way. Now
it is almost an excuse to stay here and not do the work I
need to get done. Can you tell I don't like doing work?
Actually I just don't like having to go outside my room to
do work. It sucks to be this way, but I've been this way
for a long time now.

I wish I was born to be a leader and a go getter type. I am
such an introvert it isn't funny. I used to avoid
converstions all together with people I don't know really
well. Now it's just guys I don't know that well. Usually I
get talking after a little bit though. It's not like I
don't want to make friends, but I just get so scared. Heck,
I get scared with any new situation that comes along.

Oh well, enough of my madness. I'm off to do the work I
need to get done... Hopefully if I don't find something
else cool on the way over there...


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