DazedAndConfused

Just Another Dumb Blonde
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2001-10-15 21:50:52 (UTC)

in the game of everyone vs. me; everyone 199, me 0

why does life have to suck????? i KNOW there are pople
with it worse off than me, but i really want to die. i
alost killed myself last night. the only reasons i didnt:

jeff, cuz he is the only guy that doesnt treat me like im
just a piece of meat, and i would miss him.

noele, because shes going thru hell with life rite now too,
i dont wana make it worse by dying on her.

my mom, because im her only child, she would suffer alot if
i was to die.

as for everyone else, SCREW THEM. even some of mybetter
friends i want to get away from forever. they all hate me
ayways. i just dont wanna live anymore!!!!! but i dont
wanna go to hell, i know i would gothere if i killed
myself. last nite i was wishing that someone wud come in
and kill me. how sick is that?! i wanted someone to kill me
so i wouldnt have to do it myself. no one understands how i
feel inside... i seriously dont know what i did to make all
this happen... i KNOW im not a slut. im just so stupid i
guess i thought some one really cared for me but i was
wrong. WRONG AGAIN. im such a failure i desreve to die.
then i have to be the happy cheery blonde around evryone,
or else i will get even MORE shit. none of my friends
really care about me, no guy really cares about me, they
wouldnt be that upset if i was to die i guess. maybe for a
little while, but then they wouldnt care after a few weeks.
all i am to everyone is a stupid slut who isnt good for
anything but sex. TOO BAD IVE ONLY HAD SEX WITH ONE
GUY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i want to diee sooo baaaaaaaaaaaaad.... im trying to live
life and have fun but its hard when i ahve to defend myself
allthe live long day. why ami so stupid?!?!?!?! seriously,
why would anyone care about me?! i should have known i was
being used by tyler.... what makes me think jeff isnt going
to do the same? all my friends use me, every guy has used
me. well what am i supposed to do now? be totally alone by
not letting anyone in, or let people in and be used even
more?
GOD PLEASE KILLL ME. i dont want to deal with this. i
know its not the worst life ever but its getting so i dont
even cry anymore, i cant. my tears have run out, and it
just seems pointless now. crying wont solve anything. but
niether does defending myself, no one belives me. ignoring
them doesnt solv anythng, it still hurts when they say
things. theres nothing i can do. NOTHING.

i have to go to work.


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