2001-10-15 20:14:56 (UTC)

Lies and so on...

I am starting to feel bad. I have been lying to everyone
alot lately especially my parents. Yesterday I told my mom
that i had to go to cheerleading practice early so that i
could go with joe somewhere(when i never even went to
practice).I feel bad about it but at the same time its the
only way I can see him.Then when he'll buy me things and I have to lie
about that too. I feel like Im about to go absolutely insane.I hate
school I wish I didnt have to go there anymore. I thought I could
handle this but it has shown to be harder than I thought.I dont know
if its just school or the fact that because im in school i cant see
joe.I know I hate school and i cant stand going there.I remember the
first day of school when i first saw the building I was
overwhelmed with this horrible saddness and I just wanted to
cry.Im just so sick of it and I dont know how to deal.Joe
helps me some but its just getting to be to much.With
school,sports,church,hiding joe from everyone and all this
lying ive had to do.I dont like lying but he is the only
thing that keeps me sane through all of this. 214 more days
til graduation... oh how i wish it were sooner.I keep
telling myself it will be over before you know it,but at the
same time it feels so slow we could be going backwards in
time instead of forward.Someone please hit fast forward!!